#child aelin
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Modern au:
When Dorian started dating Manon, he was able to see a few things in her that made him suspect something was off. At that point, he was able to see the pressure her grandmother put her under and he felt helpless in the face of that kind of thing.
Manon was really going out of her way to make sure everything is perfect and yet her grandmother kept scrutinizing her.
At formal events, he got to see that first hand. Manon would be super stressed, it would get worse about 2-3 days prior where her anxiety is at it’s peak; she won’t be able to sleep, and can’t keep anything down.
Dorian can see all of her effort and yet her grandmother’s responses are a variety of
“Don’t embarrass me,”
“What a disgrace,”
“This is worthless,”
And it really angers him.
But that was nothing compared to what he saw when they moved in together.
Prior to that, Manon was able to maintain her mask of aloofness and perfection. It was only when they lived together than Dorian saw how she struggles with insecurity and abandonment issues.
He learned of the long months she’d spend at boarding school, her grandmother wouldn’t allow her to return home if her grades are anything below a 100%. She’d call her an embarrassment and let her spend the holidays studying and making up for those grades.
He also saw how she struggles with boundaries sometimes. Moreover, he noticed that she instantly panics whenever she thinks that she made a mistake. Like forgetting her jacket on the counter, or leaving some of her work behind on the coffee table.
Dorian hates hates hates how her grandmother turned her into this person. She honestly believes that as soon as she commits the tiniest mistake, Dorian is going to leave and find someone better. He told her time and again that he doesn’t want anyone else, better or worse. He wants only her and nothing will ever change that.
But of course, his reassurance does nothing to elevate those issues that have been there for two decades. All he can is promise to always be there, that no matter what happens he isn’t going to leave or find someone else.
Now another issue is their families. They attend the same social circles and their families no each other. Chaol is against their relationship because he wants someone other than a Blackbeak to be with his friend. Aelin doesn’t care much, she tries to get along with Manon but the two of them don’t spend any time together to have any sort of relationship.
Then there are his parents; Georgina wants to pick her son’s lifelong partner. The fact that he’s with the Blackbeak heir infuriates her to no end.
Now normally he would ignore everyone and does as he pleases. However, now that he lives with Manon and knows exactly how vulnerable she is, he had a meeting with his parents and Chaol.
He sat them all down, and told them in no certain terms that if he brings Manon over for a visit, if any one of them make her feel unwanted, he’d get her out of there immediately and never return back there.
Dorian is serious, she’s been though enough and he sees how she struggles. That the perfectly put up woman is hiding a lot of things underneath and he hates how he can’t shoulder some of those things. All he can do is love her through it all and hope that one day it will be enough.
#booklr#books and reading#throne of glass#manon blackbeak#tog#dorian havilliard#manon x dorian#manorian#aelin fireheart#aelin galathynius#chaol westfall#he was feeling helpless most of the time#and Manon doesn’t say anything really she just keeps going and going and going burning herself out only to be chewed out by her grandmother#but Dorian noticed it and he was mad#Manon is still trying to get her grandmother to notice her but it doesn’t work#she’s under a lot of pressure and he decided to be her safe space just to try and balance things out#and even back when she was young her grandmother didn’t send her to just any boarding school#it was an elite private school where academics were challenging and where many royals and other filthy rich families went#so it was very competitive and she told Manon that she has to be in the number 1 spot at everything#if she isn’t the first at everything she does then she’s a stupid worthless child who will only bring shame to their name#might as well bring the downfall of the Blackbeak clan#perhaps her grandmother needs to find someone else to be her heir instead because she would want nothing to do with her. just disown her#and move on. Manon spent A LOT of time alone when she was young and it certainly wasn’t safe. she’d still stay in Switzerland tho but not#on school grounds. starting at the age of 12 she felt brave enough to travel to nearby towns and spend some time there. just that she’s#actually a child and literally anything could have happened to her#when she was 14/15 she’s travel to other countries and just spend time exploring new places#that put her in danger because she nearly got kidnapped a couple of times#she got lost and snowed in while deep in the forest. and she knew that if she died or anything happened to her no one would know or even#miss her so she didn’t really care at some point. in the instances her scores were all miraculously perfect she was allowed home and spend#a whole month being subjected to her grandmother’s abuse
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🚨SPOILER WARNING🚨
She had lied.
His Fireheart had lied.
And now he would watch her die.
🚨🚨🚨
#Kingdom of Ash#Chapter 94#Sarah J. Maas#Aelin Fireheart#Rowan Whitethorn#Rowaelin#the first time the word Fireheart has ever hurt so much#someone just needs to tell her she was a child so those 10 years of survival yeah nothing to make up for babe#break my heart#SARAH YOU COULD JUST STAB ME THAT WOULD BE EASIER#Kingdom of Ash quotes#Kingdom of Ash quote spoiler#no spoilers please#first read#reading reacts#read with me#read along#screaming#had to write it down cause nooooooo
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Rowaelin child Headcanon
Rowaelin baby: Mommy, can you tell me story?
Aelin: Of course, I have the perfect one for you
Rowaelin baby: really?
Aelin: It's about a brave female who is known as the Cursebreaker
Nyx Headcanon
#throne of glass#tog#rowaelin#Rowaelin child#aelin fireheart#aelin ashryver whitethorn galathynius#aelin galathynius#aelin ashryver galathynius#tog headcanon
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I love our flower boi🥹
Manon’s Flower Child
#Abraxos and Manon#Manon and Abraxos#Manon Blackbeak#Abraxos#Blackbeak coven#Wiverns#TOG series#Throne of Glass world#flower child#reblog#reblog of a reblog of a source?#made me smile#my favs#fan art#seriously this line got me and I already loved Abraxos but after that I was DONE for#if there is such thing as interspecies platonic soulmates he is Manon’s and Fleetfoot is Aelin’s#sweet summer child#I never know if I use that right lol#but it vibes? I think?
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Follow You Fenrys x Reader x Azriel
Summery: 30 years ago, Y/N fell through a portal and woke up in Prythian naked an afraid. She counted herself lucky that she was found by the shadowsinger and his high lord, who took her in and gave her a home. Despite their hospitality she dreamed of her home and the mate she left behind, Fenrys, who searched for her until one day.. he finds her.
AN:- GUYS this fanfic has legit been keeping me up at night so I thought I would share it with you all hahaha!!.
The light of the morning sun edged its head between the crack in the curtains, Azriel knew you were still asleep in the bed you shared, still snuggled between the sheets. He cursed himself for not coming through the door and choosing to fly straight to the balcony after work, spy work. Slowly he pushed the door open and poked his head inside. Relieved to see he hadn't wakened you up, he walked inside, spreading his wings to block out the rising sun from your face. Closing the door he walked over to his side of the bed, sat down and started kicking off his boots when he heard you stir behind him. "You're home late" You groan as he tips his head over his shoulder to look at you "Did something happen?" you continue and shuffle along the bed to make some room. "No, just had some reports to write up" Azriel answered as he slid into bed and wrapped you in his arms. Smiling softly, you nuzzled into his chest, still cold from riding on the wind to get home. You hummed sleepily and allowed yourself to fall back into that familiar comfort he offered you and began to dream.
30 Years Earlier Terrasen, your home as wild and free as your queen, Aelin. You sat at the dining table with Lysandra and Aedion as they spoke softly to their adoptive daughter. You hummed to yourself as you worked on the jewelry in your hand, slowly needling little diamonds onto it. You were so deep in concentration you didn't notice your mate's approach until his large hands landed on your shoulders, jolting you slightly. "Fen!" you yelp turning in your seat to look back at the golden male. Fenry's smiled down to you, his large canines making his smile look a little more sinister than he attended. "Did I scare you?" he chuckled, sliding into the seat next to you after placing a small kiss to the top of your head. "No" you lie and continue working on the necklace you're working on for Lysandra. You felt him move closer to you, his nose buried in your hair as he inhaled your sent "why don't we go for a swim? get your mind off this" he purred, his hand coming up to cover the necklace in your hand. You felt the want for him almost immediately, the hot pool in the pits of your stomach started to raise its head at his tone of voice. "There is a child present" Aedion snapped from the other side of the table, drawing both sets of eyes to him. Both you and your mate chuckled and decided to leave the room, together.
Fenrys was your typical fae male mate, he never left your side unless he needed to, he was territorial and protective... but what you loved most about him was he was fun. His golden hair was tied back in a bun, showing off his high cheekbones and sharp jaw line that made him look delicious. His onyx eyes slid to yours as a small smirk rose on his lips " like what you see?" he asked as he wrapped a toned, golden arm around your waist. "Always" you answer matching his smirk with your own. Your answer made his smile grow into his normal shit-eating grin, you roll your eyes playfully and rest your head on his shoulder as you continue making your way outside. The warm air kissed your skin as you opened the door to the courtyard, it was a beautiful day.
You and Fenrys skinny dipped in the lake not far from the keep, splashing each other playfully while swimming around in the cool water. What neither mate realized was this was the last day they were going to spend together, the last happy memory they would share before you were stripped from his arms in the middle of the night.
And dumped in Prythian.
Present Day
Mate, mate, mate, mate.
You miss your mate. As the dream rattles you awake you realise that Az is still asleep next to you, guilt hits you so fast you run out of the room and into the bathroom to throw up. As you retch into the toilet bowl you hear Az approach the bathroom and knock softly from the other side of the door. "Another dream?" he asks as he enters the room and crouches beside you to rub soothing circles on your back. "My mate" you answer as you peer at him between strands of fallen hair. He nods slowly, understanding the pain you feel and tucks some strands behind your ear. "Did you dream of falling again?" he asks, his voice as soft and gentle as silk. You nod once in response as your gut twists again threatening to spill more into the toilet bowl. Azriel was the most understanding person you had ever met, you weren't always with him, you were friends first. He was the one to find you that day, laying cold and naked on the forest floor. He took you to Rhysand, where he looked into your mind and saw everything, your home, your family.. Fenrys. It had taken some time for both sides to trust you, but in those years that Rhys was under the mountain you had grown close with the inner circle. Particularly Az. He knew your past, knew of the mate that you had been ripped away from... but he loved you all the same and was willing to give you the time you needed.
So here you both sat in front of the toilet bowl for the thousandth time in your relationship. Him giving you soft soothing words while you mourned the loss of your mate and your life. After some time, he scooped you into his arms and placed you back into bed. ......................
Later that day you sat in the living room with Feyre and Nyx, laughing as you watched the young lad learn to walk but failing. A warm cup of tea sat in your hands, the heat slightly burning the sensitive flesh of your palm, but you ignored it. Azriel had been called on by Cassian, something about a disturbance near the Illyrian camps they had to check out. He placed a warm kiss on your cheek before he flew off with his brother. "Any improvement?" Nesta asked as she walked into the room and plopped onto the couch next to you. "Hardly" Feyre answered as she took the babe back into her arms and planted kisses all over his face, making nyx scream in laughter. You and Nesta smiled as Nyx's fits of giggles filled the room, you looked to Nesta and offered her the cup in your hands. "its still warm" you prod as you hand the tea to her, she sips it then hands it back to you.
You and Nesta were best friends, she was a huge bitch to you at the start but recently... she's been the only person besides Az that understands your pain, your longing for home. She's also the only person in this whole house that reads dirty smut books with you.
"Bleh, I hate peppermint tea" she croons as she pulls a face, looking at the cup in your hands. "But its good for you" you jest and give her a sweet smile, bringing the tea back to your own lips. You and Nesta spend the rest of the afternoon talking and watching her nephew rise and fall. Feyre is about to out Nyx down for a nap when Rhysands voice fills your head.
"Come to the forest at once"
You and Feyre share a look, obviously she had been given orders to winnow you there. She quickly explains this all to Nesta then plops her son into her sisters hands, you hadn't had time to say anything to Nesta before Feyre grabbed you and winnowed away to the forest. Snow crunched under your feet as you landed behind the three warriors. Cassian, Az and Rhysand all had their weapons out and their backs turned to you. The wind hit your body so hard it almost knocked you backwards, the smell of pine and snow filling your senses as you tried to blink away the stinging in your eyes. "I don't want to fight you" came a rough voice that didn't belong to the three males in front of you, but did belong to someone you knew. Rowan, your oldest cousin and longest friend. Stalking forward you pushed through the three males that shielded you, you could have fell to your knees as Rowan's eyes met your own. A hand flew in front of you protectively, but you knocked it away as you ran to him, calling his name over and over. "y/n!" Rowan shouted, dropping his sword so he could wrap you in his arms. "How? How?" You asked as you buried your face into your cousin's neck, your body shaking as he held you against him. "Aelin, she worked it out" he explained as he pulled you away from him, his eyes darting from one side of your face to another taking in everything you were and everything you are. The Night Court stood behind you in complete shock, their faces blank as they watched the scene unfold in front of them. Azriel felt the pull to go and comfort you but held strong, not knowing this male and how he would react. Then a crunch of twigs caught their attention, a small blonde female emerged from the forest surrounding them, a small ball of fire danced in her palm as she walked towards you and rowan. You looked to Aelin for the first time in 30 years, she looked slightly older but unchanged from the Aelin in your memories. You didn't even shout her name, as she approached you fell to your knees and placed your head on the snow below you. "Aelin, forgive me" you pleaded to her, to your queen "I tried to come home but-" you continued but your words hitched in your throat as you felt her body call over yours. "Don't apologies you idiot" she said against your skin, slowly you raised and hugged her back while rowan stared down the night court still behind you. "Should we introduce ourselves?" Cassian mumbled to no one in particular catching your attention. You take Aelin's hand and help her stand; you walk her and your cousin over to your friends and make introductions. "This is your cousin?" Cassian asked, nodding his head to Rowan as he stood with Aelin, a protective arm wrapped around her waist as he held her close. You nodded in response and looked up to the white hair male, his green eyes still darted between each person in front of him. " He is a bit of a brute" you say as you turn your attention back to the night court, earning a small smile from Feyre and a chuckle from Az. It hit you then, Azriel was here and had watched you reunite with your family, your court. You took a few steps toward him, but he held up his hand stopping you from coming any closer, confused, you nodded and stood still. Rhysand invited Aelin and Rowan to stay in the townhouse while the night court discussed their next move, they obliged and allowed Rhy's to winnow them away. "You must be happy" Feyre said coming to your side and wrapping an arm around your shoulders. "I am" you said smiling back to her " I could go home" you continue softly. Feyre looks over her shoulder to Az who stares emotionless into the distance, she sighs and then turns her head forward again and whispers "he will miss you". You feel that guilt from earlier pang around in your chest again, you don't dare to look back at the shadowsinger, you and he both knew that your time together had just come to an end. " I will miss him too" you confess as Rhys winnows back to the forest.
"Come on, I will take you to be alone with them" Rhy's says and extends a tanned hand to you, smiling you leave Feyre's embrace and fit your hand in his. Not looking back as he takes you to the family you have dreamed of every night for the last 30 years.
#a court of thorns and roses#lucien vanserra#azriel shadowsinger#eris vanserra#acomaf#acowar#throne of glass#throne of glass fenrys#fenrys tog#tog#acotar#azriel x reader#feyre archeron#fenrys imagine#fenrys x reader#rhys acotar#rhysand#lucien fanfic#azriel#eris acotar#rowaelin#rowan whitethorn#aelin galathynius
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Why is the whole "Gwyn is a child" topic is being discussed again? Sarah killed it in May 2021 by confirming Gwyn is a "fully grown woman". She left no question about it.
Cassian calling her a girl is irrelevant because Rowan called Aelin both a girl and a child, that didn't stop him from ending up with her because we know Aelin is already almost an adult at 19.
Sarah retconned (which is not something new) the aging process of Fae in ACOMAF. The bat boys and Mor fought in the Great War in their mid-20s, are we to believe the Night Court is sending children as soldiers? Mor and Lady of Autumn were betrothed/engaged at 18, would SJM promote child marriages? Gwyn tells Nesta she didn't get a chance to lie with a male during the Great Rite, meaning she was already old enough to have sexual relations with others.
The books have enough hints that High Fae are already adults once they reach their 20s. If people didn't complain about Mor and the Bat Boys joining a war as "children" in their 20s, then there's no point in arguing about Gwyn's age over something that was retconned in ACOMAF not ACOSF.
Her being bubbly has nothing to do with maturity, if you don't have a bubbly adult in your life it's probably dull. Also, it's not like she's bubbly and unserious 24/7, she's vigilant about her work and is quite empathetic and helps Nesta understand her own feelings.
This argument has been dead for 3 years and a half, let's put it to rest.
#gwyneth berdara#gwynriel#even Steph made a point to say the Illyrians wouldn't have dragged Gwyn into the Blood Rite if she was a child and SJM agreed#like why is the fandom arguing against what the author confirmed already?#complain about her retconning what was canon in book 1 and changed in book 2#I was relieved that this was killed because people back then were being weirdos and implying Gwynriels are p**os#I don't want to see that again
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Across the Universe-ch.1 (Azriel x reader, eventual Fenrys x reader)
Summary: Y/n has everything she needs in life. A family, friends, a safe place she calls home and most importantly a male whom she loves. What happens when it all changes when Y/n finds out about the betrayal of her lover and her so called family? Well, ending up in Terassen and in queen Aelin's court was not what she expected but what she will need to start her new journey full of surprises.
See masterlist
A/n: hey everyone! so this is my first work on here and I just hope you will enjoy it. Please do not hesitate to comment whether you like it/want more of it or if you have some good constructive criticism to give! I will give some clarifications at the end of this chapter as to not give away any spoilers beforehand:)
Being a female Illyrian with wings was never meant to be easy. Growing up and not knowing your parents was perhaps the greatest pain a child could endure. Especially if that child grows up in a cruel place like the Illyrian camps. For the first 20 years of her life, y/n knew nothing but pain, mistreatment and hatred as she spent her youth at the cruel hands of an old Illyrian bastard. Of course, what y/n went through was never kept as a secret but it is not like anyone cared anyway. This was Illyria, the mistreatment of females was not a surprise. In fact, the vile monsters who called themselves warriors, encouraged it.
And just like any other female unlucky enough to be born in Illyria and have wings, y/n had to get her wings clipped. Even after all those years, that moment that changed everything for y/n is still so vivid in her mind...
The leaves in the forest crunched as his boots kept stepping on them while dragging her through the maze of trees.
"Please, please I beg you do not take my wings!"
He kept on ignoring her. She called him a 'He' because y/n would never willingly say his disgusting name. Not when he was the cause of all her trauma and illnesses. She kept thrashing, begging and trying to get away but it was useless.
"I beg yo-"
Her words were cut short as a slap was delivered to her face.
"Shut you mouth! you useless bitch"
She never begged. No, y/n was strong, even then, at her weakest she was strong. She never begged. Not when he would burn her hands, not when he would whip her back, not when he would beat her up because she forgot to do a chore. But now she begged. She begged for her only form of freedom, her precious wings. At that moment y/n knew what had to be done. This was the last straw.
"Stay like that on your knees and do NOT move, or else you won't like the consequences."
As he turned around to search for his tools, y/n sat there on the ground in the middle of this dark forest just outside the outskirts of the village and knew she could not go down like those before her. For 20 years she submitted to his every will but not now, not again. Weak coward is what she has been and now it was time to change that.
When he turned around, y/n was holding her only form of protection, her pocket knife that she would always hide under her clothes. When he was close enough, y/n gave a final prayer to the mother and attacked him with a sloppy move that would result in either her freedom or death.
"It is time to truly make you bound to me you bi-"
He did not get to finish his words as the knife he did not see in the dark, found its mark in his throat. Crimson red blood was everywhere as that monster choked on his own blood like a damn fool and finally, slumped to the ground.
The rest? Well, the rest became history as y/n left that night with his blood still soaking her own clothes and body and his fresh corpse laying on the ground. She would never let anyone ever dictate her life again. Never would she be weak again. And so, for the next 80 years of her life, y/n went from one place to another and taught herself how to fight and be like a warrior. Her name began spreading around like wildfire, as people started talking of the Illyrian female who not only managed to keep her wings but also killed her abuser.
She helped hundreds, by recruiting victims of different horrible events and teaching them how to fight and protect themselves. Y/n became a legend especially in the eyes of female Illyrians who tried to follow her lead. This was also the reason why y/n one day opened her door to see the High Lord of the Night Court waiting for her. The smile on Rhysands face was blinding as he praised y/n while also telling her about how it was a dream of his to get rid of the old Illyrian traditions and rules set against the females. It was on that eventful day that the High Lord also offered y/n to join his court and make a very impactful visit to Illyria after all these years to help him make those changes.
At the time, it was a huge step for y/n as she delegated her role as a trainer to her first-best student who was more than honored to continue y/n's job in the training academy. When she came to Velaris she was in awe of its beauty and comfort. The inner circle welcomed her with open arms and although y/n was a little distant at first, she soon got along well with everyone and especially Cassian as they trained daily together. It was also the time when the first seeds of her crush on Azriel were planted.
Therefore, by the age of 100, y/n was an official member of the night court, a legendary figure who started to make her changes during her visits to the Illyrian camps. This time, she went in not as a weakling, but as a feared and well-respected fighter, female and most of all, Illyrian. But even with all of the fierce titles that she got, y/n still felt like turning into a small, shy and meek girl whenever Azriel was around. Rhysand sending them together on constant missions did nothing to ease her increasing infatuations with the famed shadowsinger either.
Unfortunately, they got closer during the darkest of times when Rhysand sacrificed himself to protect his court and city from Amarantha. It was then that, Azriel and y/n shared their deepest, most raw and intimate moments with one another while also doing their best to protect the city in which they were locked in thanks to Rhysands wards. Those moments were what led y/n to confess her true feelings to the spymaster during the 4th year of what would be Amarantha's 50 year reign of terror. After that day, they truly became lovers in all aspects that mattered. Even though that unmistakable bond of a mate did not appear, y/n knew it was only a matter of time before they both felt it. There was no other way.
Today, sitting here on her lovers chair in his office, y/n felt proud of herself and her loved ones for overcoming so much. Rhysand and Feyre under the mountain, the war against Hybern, Nesta and Elain becoming high fae, and the attack on Velaris all left many scars both visible and invisible on everyone. Knowing that everyone has finally found some form of happiness and that her lover is safe with her should have made y/n happy, excited even. But as of late, she could not bring herself to feel anything because Azriel was not the male she once knew.
For a very long time now, the shadowsinger has been distancing himself from y/n in favor of spending more time with a specific redheaded priestess, Gwyneth. What was once called the hour of reading by y/n and Az in the comfort of their home, turned into reading with Az and Gwyn in the library. Even during training, Gwyn would respectfully decline y/n or anyone elses offers to train her and would instead ask Azriel to teach her. He would always happily oblige, leaving y/n alone as Cassian trained with Nesta. At first, y/n tried to understand and reason by thinking that since Azriel was the one to save the priestess from facing a terrible fate in the library of Sangravah, it was only fair that she felt safe around him. However, the other priestesses were also saved by Azriel, Cassian and Rhysand and yet, y/n never saw them be as clingy as Gwyn was towards Azriel.
The final nail in the coffin came when Azriel started coming home late and locking himself up in his office and leaving early in the morning. This meant that y/n never saw her lover, let alone kissed or made love to him. That is how it led to her finally coming to his office to wait for him and get some answers to her questions.
"Y/n? W-what are you doing here?"
That slightly nervous voice drew her back into reality as y/n looked back from the window showing the beautiful city, to see Azriel standing in the doorway with dishelved hair and a sort of scared look in his eyes, no matter how much he tried to not show it, y/n knew him like the back of her hand. Being together for 52 years does that to you. This was not a good sign then, for Azriel never showed such a shameful expression and his shadows were nowhere in sight.
As y/n got up from the chair and started walking towards him, her mind and soul clinged onto that last thread of hope that the male whom she loved was not unfaithful to her, that he would explain everything and she would see that she was making silly little assumptions out of nothing.
Unfortunately, all that hope came crashing down as y/n got close enough to him and smelled that scent of another female, that scent that belonged to...Gwyn. And if the small dark marks that were peeking above the spymasters shirt were any indicator, they did more than just read together.
Y/n felt like she was drowning, like a huge mountain just crashed down on her and she was left under all that rubble to suffocate and die. She was frozen in her spot, unfeeling and unmoving as she felt her body shut down completely. Clearly, this only meant that she would shatter soon enough but not here, not in front of him. Never would she ever be weak infront of any male. And so, with a voice that conveyed no emotion, she asked, "How long?"
"Y/n ple-"
"How long, Azriel."
Azriel sighed as he looked anywhere but at her when he said, "Since the first time Nesta brought her to train with us."
"But that was 2 years ago."
After seeing him nod very slightly, she reigned in her tears that were burning the backs of her eyes, and asked one simple question,
"Why?"
Now it was the shadowsingers turn to look as emotionless as he could while saying, "Because she is my mate y/n."
Mate, mate, mate ofcourse he would have a mate, no matter how many years they were together, neither of them ever felt that bond snap. Foolish, so foolish to think, to hope that they were destined to be, that their bond would snap any moment. But how cruel can one be to hide the truth for 2 years, To go behind her back, even if Gwyn is his mate, and be unfaithful? To not admit the truth as if y/n wouldn't understand. And Gwyn? how could she never once mention it to y/n during all those moments spent together? How, how how..
As if that pain was not enough, Azriel confessed, "I am sorry y/n but truly, did you think we were fated to be? I always knew what we had was temporary, that we were never going to have a happy end as the cauldron would give us both our own mates. My love for you has always only been platonic...have you not noticed that I never once said 'I love you'? I saw you as a friend, a companion in whom I could loose myself for a while as I waited for my mate to come. Truly, you were good, so good to me, kind and caring and yet, so foolish. You imagined and expected too much of us y/n...for you I was a male whom you desperately loved but for me, you were simply someone who I could spend my time with until my mate arrived. I love Gwyn, I have taken her to the house of wind multiple times and made love to her there, I have spent my time understanding and creating as many memories as possible with her. From the moment I saw her 2 years ago when Nesta brought her, I felt this pull towards her and now...now I could never get enough. I do not say this to hurt you, but to make you see the truths that we were never what you wanted us to be."
Y/n took a deep inhale, the only indicator of her emotions at the moment while still processing his words and asked her final question while still staring at the wall behind him, "Who knew?"
Azriel was confused for a minute because after all that he had just confessed, she only asked that? Not to mention how much it was killing him to not understand her current emotions and expressions as y/n stayed completely unflinching, staring at the wall and expecting an answer from him. So, with a shameful sigh, the spymaster replied, "Everyone knew."
At that moment, y/n knew 2 things with clarity. First, never should you trust someone, no matter how close you are with them. Never should you give your heart to someone because in the end, they shall shatter it anyway. In this life, you are always on your own. Y/n has always been alone even after joining Rhys, y/n walked her own lonely road. Second, her "family" were traitorous liars. For the past 2 years as y/n descended back into her depressive moments, as she got flashbacks of those horrible times from her youth spent in the Illyrian village, as her panic attacks and insecurities started to resurface, the inner circle did nothing to pull her out of it. But what else would you expect from them? of course they would protect Azriel and his actions, no matter how disgusti-
"Y/n? please talk to me, I am going mad here with your lack of words and emotions. Please sweetheart." as Azriel's hand made contact with y/n's wrist, it was as if an electric shock brought her back to life.
Y/n slapped him right across the face as she said her next words in a tone so cruel and unfeeling, her enemies did not even hear that tone before meeting their death's at her hands, "If you touch me again, my knife shall find it's mark between your eyes, so unless you do not want to leave your precious mate a widow so soon, I suggest you get the fuck out of my sight, shadowsinger."
"Y/n ple-"
"Oh and, since you are such a loyal dog to him, do tell your rotten high lord that I am leaving his rotten court. I shall be gone by sunrise."
As she turned to leave his office throught he backdoor, Azriel did something that Y/n had never known him capable of doing. He fell on his knees as tears threatened to spill from his eyes and begged in a voice so shaky, y/n could only think whether he was even real.
"Y/n I beg you, let us talk properly, Gwyn kept telling me how I must let you know. That she hates being a secret but I was such a coward I-I..plea-"
"I do not care what Gwyn has to say. Save your tears and pleas for someone who cares Azriel, you are right, you are a coward and perhaps you always were one for playing with my feelings in such a cruel way. Do not come after me or I swear I won't hesitate to end you with my bare hands."
With that, y/n turned her back on the male for whom she would once move the mountains for, for whom she would sacrifice herself for. The male whom she loved so much and yet, this whole time he toyed with her, he saw her as a placeholder. What a blind fool have you been y/n.
The second y/n made sure that Azriel left the house, she broke down in tears. For the first time in a very long time, y/n cried unstoppable tears. But that moment came to an abrupt end as she heard a voice. Whether it was within her mind or from somewhere else she did not know and did not care because even though the voice sounded so far away, she got this immediate urge within her soul to go find it.
Deep down, y/n knew she should let it be, that she is possibly imagining things and that she should start packing now but that urge within her tightened as if wanting her to go find the source of the voice. So, with a final wipe of her tears, y/n stood and leapt through her window, spreading her wings and following that string to reach the distant voice.
As y/n began nearing the source of the sound, she realized that it is coming from the house of wind. She should have turned around and left at that second because seeing this house now only brought back Azriels words about how he spent his time here with Gwyn. Atleast that is what the y/n who was not possesed by an urge would do. But alas, this thread only grew stronger within her, leaving her no other choice.
As she began walking down the halls of the house, y/n looked back on all her memories with the inner circle here. Once, those memories would have made her smile fondly but now, they only make her feel anger and disgust. They knew this whole time...such liars, such tra-
No...this could not be it. The urge within her must have been playing a foolish trick because no way was the voice coming from this room. But that urge within her had died down as if finally only the double doors in front of y/n were stopping her from getting to the voice. But this room wasn't just any room. It was the warded room containing all 3 objects of the Trove AND the Book of Breathings.
From here, she could clearly hear the ugly, hissing voice of the book saying, "Welcome, The Terror."
"Why are you hesitating? Open the door child, open it."
As if on cue, the wards around the room disappeared and the doors opened for her. Y/n could only be confused for a second before an unknown power forced her to walk into the area. And there it was, that book sitting on the circular table in the middle of the room, beckoning for her to come closer.
"The Iron Phoenix, you finally came to learn your destiny."
Y/n scoffed as she looked at the silly book from a distance and said, "Did you truly waste my time by making me come to you so that you could spit your nonsense at me? I have enough to deal with already, I do not need another headache from you."
As she turned around to leave, the book hissed loudly, "Do not mock me you fool, I know your deepest secret Winged Fury, a secret so precious not even your once beloved lover knows."
At that, y/n turned around with a shocked expression all over her face and asked, "How? How do you know of it?"
"You can not know more than me, Valkyrie, I am the one who knows it all."
It seems today was the day when y/n had to find out just how little she knows about everything. She had enough, and this stupid book will be the unfortunate one to be the outlet of her emotions. Furious, she took quick strides to reach it as she began, "How dare you?! you call me here to spit nothing of value at me while I just went through the wo-"
A sudden wave of power hit her as y/n felt like she was stuck in one place right in front of the book. Her walls, her mental walls they...they were being melted down as she felt her mind fall into some hypnotic spells.
With a voice so beautiful and eerily soothing, the book says, "Open me, open me Braveheart and see your true destiny."
Somewhere, the last sane part of her was telling y/n that this was wrong, that whatever will happen once she opens the book won't be good. Unfortunately, y/n seemed unable to follow that voice as her fingers made contact with the cover of the ancient book and flipped it open.
The book started flipping its own pages until it landed on the one with language so old, y/n knew that it was not remembered within the past history. Her mouth began moving against her will as she began saying the words on the book in such an experienced manner, it felt as if the ancient object had posessed her.
At some point, y/n could hear distant voices...was that Rhys? Az? Cas? or no, no maybe that is Nesta or another female who is screaming? Y/n could not move, could not think, as if her sole purpose was to finish the spell. She could distantly feel her body loosing its physicality. Was she disappearing? Was she becoming a ghost?
As she was saying the final words of the book, y/n turned around to find everyone from the inner circle in the room trying to get closer to her. Despair was all over their faces but it was Azriels tear striken face that y/n saw for the last time before darkness welcomed her.
"You are home now, Stormbreaker, you are home."
"Now, you shall unfold your true destiny."
With a jolt, y/n shot her eyes open and got up from...was this a grassy hill? as she turned to look behind her, there was a small lake with a white...is that a deer? What is this place? Where was she?
But y/n did not get to explore anything else as she felt the cool edge of a knife press into her throat from behind as a male voice said to her, "You move, you die."
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A/n: Damn this was fun to write! What secret does y/n have? I did leave a very tiny clue on that for anyone who might find it;) Anyway, I know most of you were maybe expecting Az to cheat with Elain but i am a Gwynriel shipper through and through and just could not think of Elain being such a homwrecker. Of course I am pretty sure Gwyn isn't one either butttt just for the sake of plot ya know. This won't be the last time we see the acotar characters as they will appear hopefully in the later chapters. But for now, sit back and watch y/n's new journey in this new world.
#books#fantasy#fanfics#sarah j. maas#throne of glass#acotar#azriel#fenrys moonbeam#Azriel x reader#bookish#a court of thorns and roses#fiction#fenrys x reader#togxacotar
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__________△ DESPITE THE NERVES && THE PAIN SHE FINDS HERSELF IN, HIS JEST BRINGS A LIGHT LAUGH TO HER. she tries not to wince at the movement it causes, but she is glad to have him at her side in this moment. ❛ i believe we could come to an arrangement. ❜ no one has ever treated her this gently. he has just seen her kill a man without flinching && still looks upon her with such softness, she cannot quell the way her stomach flips. ❛ i know you'll intend them to be guard dogs, but i warn you that i will spoil them. ❜ she grounds herself in the way he strokes her hand, in the way he has left his face open to her. she wonders if he could see the shift occurring in her ( her entire world seems to have tilted on its axis && she is only just now finding her new balance )
△__________ HER SHOULDER IS ON FIRE AS THE PHYSICIAN PACKS && WRAPS THE WOUND. she never looks away from him, trying ( && failing ) to keep the pain off her face. still, she does not make a sound. ❛ i look forward to it. i have only seen the beach twice && have not stepped foot in a sea. terrassen is mountainous. we swim in the lakes && rivers. ❜ her tone is wistful as she thinks of home. she misses it deeply. she always knew that taking a reigning monarch as a husband would mean splitting time between their respective countries, but sometimes she'll smell pine or feel a breeze just a certain way && think of her birthplace with a bittersweet nostalgia. he gives into her dream of family, of ordered chaos, && she looks at him anew. there is wonder && astonishment in her gaze && she offers a watery smile. damn her for melting as she does. ❛ it will be a shared burden … ❜ teasing is cut short as she bites her lip to stop the term of endearment from leaving her lips. my heart. here, she can pretend it is because of the physician's now finished work. she tastes blood. she hears him begin to pack his instruments, leaving instructions for care && assurance he will check on her before the end of the night. the queen is lucky, she catches. lucky indeed.
"Naturally," he continues her jest, amusement playing at the corners of his lips despite the seriousness of their situation. "Although, I think I'd prefer a different kind of treat..." he winks, ignoring the fire burning in his stomach as the physician approaches. It was taking all his effort and control to remain calmly seated at his wife's side, instead of raging to his men to immediately find who the assassin was working for. His expression softens at Aelin's earnestness in response to his suggestion, and he nods. "Of course, I'll get you two," he promises, his thumb brushing against the back of her hand.
He flinches as the physician smoothly pulls the knife free from Aelin's shoulder and staunches the sudden gush of blood that follows. Remarkably, his reaction is almost greater than his wife's own response and he looks at her in surprise - he is accustomed to obtaining injuries of similar severity, but that would not stop him from roaring with pain. But, for now, he ignores the implication behind Aelin's evident familiarity with pain (he'd drawn his own assumptions about her numerous scars, but had hoped he might have been wrong) and remains focused on her words, a small smile tugging his lips upwards. "Yes. We must visit as soon as you are recovered," he nods, certain that their army could manage without them for a day or two. His expression turns uncharacteristically soft as she continues his talk of children, and he hums in agreement. "We can have that," he assures her. "In fact, we will have that. As many children as you wish. Just as long as I don't have to clean up after them all," he teases, ever so gently moving over to press a kiss to her cheek. Bizarrely, the thought of half a dozen children running down the corridors of the palace does not feel him with fear as it once did - not when he imagines Aelin's eyes that gaze up at him from their tiny faces.
#kingcenred#c; aelin galathynius#au; through the years (historical)#(( i'm calling it now; if their first child is a girl with aelin's eyes this man is melting and never recovering#he really did get a mini aelin at that point ))
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hii!! I was wondering if u could write a fic with azriel and one of the spies he trains, kind of like arobynn and aelin but not creepy lol. azriel always protects reader yet when rhys notices the special treatment in his court, he grows distant. angst ensues!! possibly smut whatever youre feeling!
My Sweet Spy
Azriel x reader
Notes: I hope you don’t mind that it’s in bullet form anon! I can’t believe I haven’t thought of something like this before, I did change it a little and made them fall in love (so not rlly a master and apprentice thing) I also don’t know the word count for this but know it’s a lot.
Warnings: angst, enemies to friends to lovers, fighting and violence, blood (apologies for any typos I sped through editing this)
Your father was one of Azriel’s senior spies. At 100 years old you were still acting like a petulant child, driving your father mad. Being at his wits end he dropped you off in Velaris for training with Azriel. It was more of a punishment than anything
He wanted the high lord and spymaster to set you straight
During one of your father’s more high profile missions he was attacked and didn’t survive
His death made you resent Azriel for a long time
You didn’t come to training on time or at all some days, you wouldn’t speak for almost a year, and you acted out so bad (during Nesta’s stint at the bars as well) you and Nesta were separated and it was time for an intervention
While Nesta stayed at the House of Wind you stayed in the Town House
You still refused to speak with anyone, especially Azriel, but you pulled yourself together
Though your father was a hard-ass you loved him dearly. He was the only person you had left in the world
Realizing you couldn’t blame Azriel or Rhysand for his death you started putting in the effort of training and being a better person. If anything you were really at training for Nesta. You missed your friend and she was the only person you would talk to. Meeting Gwyn and Emerie at training made you light up. You hadn’t had many friends as an adult so this group of girls excited you.
You still wouldn’t speak to Azriel. At least not in depth. You would acknowledge him, giving him nods and the occasional yes and no. Azriel tried so hard to get you to open up. He apologized about your father’s death and even went as far as buying you a box of your favorite pastries, but nothing.
Months after Nyx was born and Nesta, Gwyn, & Emerie won the Blood Rite you were starting to warm up to everyone. You even spoke to Azriel, “Thank you.” Azriel was taken aback by how quietly you approached him, even his shadows were unaware of you. “You’re welcome.” He didn’t ask for what. Azriel had a feeling that those two words encompassed everything from putting up with you to housing and training you.
You started going to family dinners and get togethers more. While you still didn’t talk much you were showing more emotion.
You were on time for training and showed improvement. To Azriel’s surprise you were more skilled than he thought. When he reported your progress to Rhys he seemed to take interest in your skills. “Maybe her father taught her more tricks of the trade than we thought.” Azriel didn’t like what Rhys’s tone was suggesting.
Azriel tensed, waiting for the order he knew was coming. Rhys gave his brother a look he knew all too well. Then the dreaded words left his mouth, “I want you to build her up. Y/n’s father was a valuable asset, we need that again.” Azriel clenched his jaw. Doing his best to bite his tongue to think about his words.
The Spymaster knew this was an order from his High Lord, not a suggestion from his brother.
So Azriel began your training. You became more observant, an extension of Azriel’s shadows. His own shadows took a liking to you. Becoming their second master on missions, they protected you.
The only missions Azriel would take you on would be a year after your training started. And they would never be solo trips. You would go with him or another partner on short missions. You were never far from Velaris and if need be Azriel could come get you if you were in danger.
There was definitely a few tense nights where you two spent the night at an inn. You two never knew how to approach each other, never wanting to say the wrong thing to one another.
Your first solo mission was given to you by Rhys. The High Lord went over his brother’s head assigning you this. “I believe you are ready to do this y/n. You have shown change and a tenacity I haven’t seen since Feyre under the mountain.”
The high praise from Rhys made your heart soar. The fact that your change was noticed made you feel like life was going well. That there was a place for you.
“Thank you, Rhysand.” You bow your head slightly. “Azriel has trained you well, and you’ve done excellent work over the last few months.” Rhys slides a file across his desk to you. Opening it he informs you that you’ll be traveling to just outside Vallahan. A male who was once on Kier’s council defected and has been on the run for years. He has crimes to answer for and you will be delivering the High Lord’s justice.
When you didn’t show up to training Azriel went looking for you. Not being able to find you in the House he went to Rhys. “I sent her on a mission to the continent. Caliban was sighted and I thought she was the perfect person to handle it.”
Steam was coming out of Azriel’s ears. “How. Dare. You,” he gritted out. Rhys’s eyes widen at the change in his brother’s mood. Azriel was borderline erratic. “How dare you make that call!” Rhys held up a hand. “Brother, please. Calm down and think—” “Don’t tell me to cam down! Y/n has never been to the Continent! And she is far from ready to do something like this on her own!”
“Az just listen—” Azriel closed his eyes, taking deep breathes. “Where?” Rhys gave him a questioning look. “Where on the Continent id you fucking send her?” His voice was growing angrier with each word. Once Rhys told him he punched his brother square in the face and stormed out of the house.
Your father didn’t make many enemies but he had one that eluded him for years, Caliban. Once considered royalty in the Hewn City he became a fugitive of the Night Court. Now you were his target. Somehow he found out that he is your mission in Vallahan. Instead of running again he decided to face you.
Caliban made it easy for you to track him. To the point where you knew it was a trap
“You look just like your father,” was the first thing he said to you. “I suppose you’ll be just as easy to kill.” All rational thoughts left your head. You saw red as you charged at him. Azriel had taught you to used controlled emotion through your fighting technique, helping you unlearn your irrational behavior.
Diving at Caliban he swiftly side stepped you, a smirk dancing on his lips. “Still a petulant child I see.” You let out growl from deep in your throat. Jumping to your feet you unsheathed the dagger from your thigh. Caliban drew his own from thin air, ready to fight.
You slashed hard, chasing every step he took with a more aggressive one of your own. If Caliban was going to kill you, you were going to make it hard for him.
If you were going to die tonight you were taking this vile murderer with you.
Letting your rage take hold your moves become erratic. Distracted. Caliban lands a blow to your gut forcing you to double over. He grabs a fist full of your hair, clutching it as tight as possible he punched your face over and over again. Once your face was drenched in blood Caliban dropped you to the ground.
You were breathing heavily through your mouth trying to regain your strength. To get back up and fight again.
Caliban circles you, sneering down at you. “Poor little spy. Going to die all alone just like her father.” He lets out a deep laugh. A burst of anger rushed through you. Holding on tight to your dagger you quickly sit up and slash at Caliban’s inner thigh.
He howls in pain and drops to the ground next to you. “You bitch!” He spits at you. You laugh, collapsing on your back.
As the edges of your vision blur all you can think about is your friends. Specifically Azriel. He has been a constant, steady presence over the last few years.
All you could think about was how ungrateful you’d been to him. All the attitude you gave him that you never apologized for. All the things you didn’t let go of and had blamed him for, like your new shitty life and your father’s death.
But your life wasn’t shitty. It was good and you had a purpose.
Your father’s murderer was going to get up and you weren’t going to fight back because you were just so, so tired. And maybe you deserved to die. But you didn’t want to die without telling Azriel everything you were thinking.
Caliban screamed in pain. Turning to face him you see your guardian angel kneeling over him. Truthteller dripping with Caliban’s blood.
Azriel was fuming. His chest moving up and down with his rapid breaths. “Azriel,” you croak out. He snaps out of his trance. “Y/n,” he slide over to you on his knees, cradling your head in his hands. “It’s ok. We’re going to take you home.”
Mor appeared over his shoulder. A relieved smile gracing her full lips. Azriel stands with you in his arms. Mor holds onto his arm winnowing you both back to the Town House. Azriel brings you right up to his old room, setting you down gently on the bed.
Mor comes back with Madja in tow. The old healer giving Azriel a look that said “I know this is your brother’s fault” as she mended your broken nose.
Azriel holds your hand the whole time, being that silent calming presence for you until Madja left
“Why didn’t you fight harder? I know you could’ve gotten up.” There was pain in his voice. A long painful silence fell between you two before you answered. “I thought maybe I deserved it.” Tears silently fall down your cheeks as Azriel lightly squeezes your hand. He felt his heart crack a little. “I’m sorry,” you whisper. “For everything.”
Azriel shakes his head, his heart fully cleaving in two. “There is nothing to be sorry for y/n. Things haven’t been easy for you and I’ve seen that.” Azriel pulls you onto his lap hugging you to his chest as you sob.
Weeks later Azriel hasn’t left your side. Your words troubled him and he wants to show you that you deserve everything good in life. It was his mission to make sure you stopped punishing yourself for his past.
While Cassian gave him suggestions Azriel ignored his brother. His and Nesta’s relationship got off to a rocky start and the couple are still working their issues out.
Az decided to take a different approach with you. Some days you would take breaks from training. He would take you out to eat in the city or for a bonding activity, as Az liked to call it.
You gave him a questioning look the first time he suggested it. Then followed up with, “We do what I want everyday. Let’s do something you want to do.” You raised a brow at him. Feeling like this was a trap. But you’d take it. “Ok,” you shrugged and headed out the door.
You dragged Azriel from shop to shop to see where his limit would be for you buying extravagant items. He didn’t complain once though. Az just smiled and held a majority of the bags for you
Over the next few months you became closer with Azriel. The two of you have gotten so close you consider him one of your best friends. The spymaster quickly became your confidant. You opened up to him about things you haven’t even told Nesta.
It was your scheduled fudge night, where you each bring a different kind of fudge home, eat and gossip. Along with the occasional glass of wine. You were laughing about a story Az was telling you about Cassian in their 30’s. Rhys away with his father and the pair decided to party it up in the city without their brother. Azriel isn’t sure how he lost Cassian but when he finally found the General he was floating on his back in the Sidra.
“Just floating,” you snorted out covering your mouth. “Yes! He told me he saw a mermaid and just had to woo her.” That made you laugh even harder, leaning on his shoulder as you regained your composure. Azriel’s heart stutters at your palm lying flat against his chest. Your touch is soft and welcomed.
Az smiles down at you, watching the color of your cheeks go from that cherry red to their normal color. Your lips still pulled into a smile as you wipe the tears from your eyes. Azriel didn’t realize that he was softly smiling at you until you looked at him asking, “What?” He shook his head, “Nothing.” His voice gentle.
You brush it off going back to the chocolate peanut butter fudge Azriel brought. Taking a bite and sinking back into the cushions you ask for another embarrassing story. Azriel obliges because he could never deny you.
Another bonding activity you two cherish is painting. Like for the kids Feyre runs classes for you and Az find it therapeutic
Once a month, when there’s a free afternoon in the studio’s schedule, Feyre lets you two have a free paint session. You and Az set up easels to face each other and chat while you paint.
Your first painting session was silent except for the sound of the brushes and occasional question azriel would ask you. You only gave him one word answers of course. And the painting you made was a mess of colors. You just had to get your anger put and didn’t feel like trying. At the end of the hour you shoved it in the trash can and left without Azriel.
Today that first session felt like a lifetime ago. You were chatting with Azriel, gossiping and laughing like you’ve been friends for centuries
This time you were adding to a painting you started two months ago. You really wanted to get better at drawing and even asked Feyre to teach you the basics in your free time. Hands are a hard thing to draw but the skill came quite easy to you.
Putting the finishing touches on the shading of the sword you stand back and admire your hard work. It’s of one of the most important moments in your life, when Azriel taught you how to hold a sword. On that day you knew everything would change. There was a new trust between you and Azriel, he trusted you and believed in your abilities. It felt like the first time someone really believed in you, like your potential was truly seen.
In the painting Azriel was guiding your hand to grip the hilt correctly. The sapphire siphons looked like they were glowing and the white ribbon you cut on your fourth try was wrapped around your wrist.
“Are you finally going to let me see it?” Az asked, dragging his own brush in long strokes across the canvas. You squinted your eyes in thought, debating if you truly wanted to show him or wait for Feyre’s critique. “I guess,” you sigh.
Azriel laid down his brush and pallet, wiping his hands off with a paint cover cloth. Coming to face your painting his jaw dropped and his eyebrows shot up to his hairline. Azriel was rendered speechless by your skills. “Wow,” he breathed out. “Y/n…this is incredible. The detail. My scars even,” his scared hand reached out to touch the painting before he realized he shouldn’t. Instead he mindlessly moved to gently hold your hand.
The two of you stood there staring at your art for a while. You finally noticed Azriel had laced his fingers with yours. You smile at your joined hands, squeezing his before staring back at the painting.
Azriel looks down at you, that love sick smile you always seem to miss was on his face again. Just as he’s about to say something (he hoped would be romantic) Feyre came back from lunch. The bell above the door chimed causing you to jump apart.
“Wow!” She quickly made her way over to you to get a better look at your painting. “Y/n! This is fantastic! We must get it framed and hang it in the house.” The High Lady rambled on, praising your skills.
Azriel crept out as you and Feyre talked. He would talk to you again and there would be another time to tell you what was on his mind.
Missions these days were always vetted by Azriel before Rhys asked you to do anything. You haven’t been doing many lately anyway. Helping Azriel delegate, strategizing, and desk work has been your strong suit.
When Rhys noticed he called you both to his office. Azriel could tell Rhys was angry with him. He knew his brother’s tells well enough. You on the other hand just thought Rhys wanted a progress report on your skills again.
“Sit,” the High Lord said through gritted teeth. You tried to avert Rhy’s gaze while Azriel held strong, staring his brother down. Azriel would stand by his decision to keep you safe. That day he found you with Caliban scared the shit out of him. He never wanted you out there alone or without him again.
Rhys looked at you first. “I’ve noticed you haven’t been going into the field lately.” You shook your head, finally looking at your High Lord. “Care to explain.” You didn’t know what to say. Wouldn’t this be a problem between him and Az. “I—Az has been pairing me up less. I’ve been training more with the Valkyries and field work has been pushed back.”
Rhys let out a hum, his lips pulled into a thin line. “Azriel,” he directed his attention to his brother whose eyes haven’t left him once. “Why isn’t she out there? Is she not one of your spies? Is there not work to be done?” Azriel clenched his jaw. Once again biting his tongue.
“I have had y/n doing other tasks she is comfortable with.” Azriel’s voice was restrained. He saw right through Rhys’s questions and damn him. Azriel saw you were reluctant to go out after Caliban so he made a choice that would keep you safe. “Was it y/n’s choice or yours?” Before Azriel could explode on Rhys you rest a hand on his thigh for comfort. “It was my decision, Rhys. I haven’t been the best out in the field and Azriel found what I’m good at.” You look between the two of them with a small smile to diffuse the tension.
Rhys returned your smile giving you a nod. “I’m glad that you found something you like. Could you give Azriel and I a moment please.” You wordlessly get up and give Azriel’s shoulder an encouraging squeeze.
Once they were sure you were down the hall Rhys began his tirade. “You do not get to decide what her limits are. I know what she said just now, that was clearly to cover for you. But you cannot keep treating y/n like this.” “Like what,” Azriel spat back.
“Like she is a child! Y/n has come very far in her career, something her father would be proud of. By resigning her to desk work you tear down all the confidence she has built. You’ve kept her away from everything since Caliban. I needed her in the Hewn City and you told me no. I needed her in Autumn and Day and you shot those down too. Why?” Rhys was trying to keep his cool but there was a desperation to his questions.
Azriel stood from his chair. “She doesn’t want to be her father. Y/n is more than this.” Realization flashed in Rhys’s eyes. “Y/n has truly found something she is good at. She’s one of the smartest people I’ve ever met and one of your best strategists.” Without another word Azriel turned on his heel and left.
After that conversation Rhys laid off you more. He quickly realized things were more organized since you had left spying
You kept your distance from Azriel for a few days, unsure if you got him in trouble by lying to the High Lord. Well, it wasn’t a complete lie. Az just suggested a new position and you took it.
Did you work for those few days? No. You took them to rest. You haven’t taken a day off in over a year so, why not relax.
You baked cookies, something you used to do with your grandmother every week. You decided on snicker-doodles to enjoy while starting the stack of books Nesta and Emerie suggested you read.
Azriel also gave you your space. He’s been by your side for months at this point. You could use a few days without him, even though it pained him. Azriel loved spending time with you. Sure you brought chaos into his life, but it was the good kind.
On day four of being apart Azriel couldn’t take it anymore. He found you wrapped in your favorite blanket in one of the least used siting rooms in the House of Wind. A fire roaring in the hearth to keep you warm, a mug of tea next to a plate of cookies ready for you when you take a break.
Putting your book down you finally notice Az staring at you in the doorway. That love sick smile he thinks you don’t notice plastered on his face. “Hey,” you say excitedly. “Come, sit with me.” You pat the spot on the couch next to you.
He plops down next to you, curling a wing around you for extra warmth. Without a second thought you snuggle into his side. A blush dusts Azriel’s tan cheeks as he looks away from you. You giggle at the sight of the feared spymaster blushing.
You gently trace his cheek down to his jaw, taking in his beauty. Over the last year you had become very taken with Azriel. He had been there for you no matter what you threw at him. You pull Azriel’s face to look at you. You met his hazel eyes that held so much love and adoration for you, you just didn’t see it.
“Y/n I, there’s something I’ve wanted to say and I just—” Azriel cut himself off with a shake of his head, leaning in so his lips meet yours in a soft kiss you’ve been waiting months for. You kissed him back, running your fingers through his hair.
Breaking apart you give him a giddy smile. It was the most genuine look he’s seen on you since you came to them. “That was better than anything you could’ve said.” You whisper, leaning your forehead against his. Az smiled back, “I still have so much I want to say. Have to say.” “I have all the time to listen.”
#acotar#acotar fanfiction#acotar reader fic#acotar reader imagine#acotar imagine#azriel x reader#azriel acotar#azriel shadowsinger#azriel x you#azriel fluff#azriel fic#azriel imagine#azriel fanfic#acotar azriel#azriel#azriel headcanons
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I’m going to be a little controversial under the cut
Sjm meeting her husband on her first day of college and only loving one man since she was 18 is very evident in her writing. I don’t meant to say it’s a bad thing to only have one relationship, but she writes all previous relationships of her characters as meaningless compared to the current one.
Any previous crushes/relationships of her characters were shallow. Whilst they may have felt like something at the time, in hindsight they pale in comparison to the Great Love. Or she writes them as being wrong, wrong, wrong and has to tarnish it in some way to make the Great Love seem better.
Rowan wanted to marry Lyria and was expecting a child with her then sjm retconned it to be a false bond to manipulate him and has Aelin be the much greater love, disregarding the past. He loved her so much he was going to have a baby with her.
Sam becomes just a memory of a teenage crush because he can’t compare to Rowan for Aelin as they’re mates.
Sorcha is just a servant who Dorian had fleeting feelings for despite her losing her head for getting close to the prince when he was lonely.
Isaac Hale is just a boring tumble in the hay - and not the boy who Feyre shared her worries with and he cared enough to buy the contraceptive tea because she couldn’t afford it.
Tamlin was a walking red flag and Rhys can love her so much better despite the months they spent together happy and falling in love.
Graysen and his father swap roles so the former can bash Elain and treat her cruelly while even his father looks shocked.
Jesminda is murdered but she was just a lesser fae and clearly will matter less to Lucien than his mate.
Shahar gave Hunt an opportunity to be something great then its revealed she just used him for his power and didn’t love him to the same depth - not in the way Bryce can.
It is so odd that she cannot write a couple who realise that they’re not each other’s endgame. She could have written that Feyre and Tamlin struggled greatly after the war and realised that the curse had forced them together but their romance dried up, no hard feelings.
Rowan could have been Lyria’s mate and still loved Aelin just as much 200 years later. Graysen could have said to Elain that he loved her still but could not be a fae rather than insult her.
People can love many times in their life. Just because they don’t end up together forever, it doesn’t mean a relationship didn’t matter.
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Modern au
Manon is a pushover in denial when it comes to her daughter. All the toddler has to do is say ‘I don’t want to go to school’ and Manon will let her stay because her daughter is smart and she makes her announcement while cuddling her mama and honestly Manon doesn’t have it in her to send the child to school.
Dorian, on the other hand, thinks that Manon shouldn’t give in so easily. To solve the problem (because he loves how Manon is a gushing mess when it comes to their daughter) he decides to take their daughter to school.
Different tactic: his daughter clung to him and cried that she didn’t want to go inside the classroom. She wants him and doesn’t want him to leave her. “Don’t leave me daddy, I want you,” and Dorian realized: she’s only in pre school, she’s not missing out on anything if she doesn’t show up for a day or two. So he carries her and leaves, returning home twenty minutes later with a much happier child eating an ice cream to make her feel better after her drop off ordeal.
#booklr#books and reading#throne of glass#manon blackbeak#tog#dorian havilliard#manon x dorian#manorian#literally all of their friends called them out on this#even chaol who’s always on Dorian’s side he was like ‘bro no???’#like why are you rewarding her???#honestly their daughter doesn’t even have to try#by that point their daughter was so used to this Yrene knew it was not going to go smoothly#so everyone decided to take turns picking up the very spoiled Blackbeak-Havilliard child and drop her off at school#monday is yrene#tuesday is rowan#wednesday is chaol#thursday is aelin#and friday is asterin#bc yrene knew that if her parents are involved the kid has a chance of getting her way#the rest of them are already parents and know this dance very well#so they took over until Dorian and Manon get their shit together and just send their kid to school without giving in at the first sign of#tears. ALL children cry at drop off honestly it’s not that deep (Asterin’s words) but they move on in a few days#luckily when Dorian and Manon realized their mistake their daughter was already used to school and has made friends and it was just…normal
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__________△ SHE FINDS HERSELF KNEELING ON THE FLOOR, PUPPIES PAWING AT HER WITH LITTLE REGARD TO THE FINERY SHE WEARS. she couldn't care less, so enamored is she by the two canines. she pauses a moment to think, before scratching behind the ear of the female. ❛ i believe you shall be fleetfoot … ❜ not to be outdone, the male whines && she laughs as she turns her attention to him next. ❛ – && this demanding one will be asterion. ❜ both puppies seem to accept the names && fleetfoot even yawns, already exhausted from her introduction. aelin turns her bright gaze up to look at her husband, eyes sparkling from the easy grin she wears. ❛ i think they might be the best things you have ever given me, ❜ she answers earnestly.
Her reaction is more than he could have hoped for, and a genuinely happy, relaxed grin tugs his lips upwards: such an expression used to be rare from the king, but not so since his marriage. The smile slips just a little as one of the puppies makes a beeline for him, and he narrowly avoids an excited, slobbery tongue. With the gentlest of touches from his large, war-trained hands he slowly turns the pup around and directs its attention back to Aelin. "Not yet, I thought you would like to decide. I am told one is male and one is female, and they will both grow much larger than this." He certainly hopes so, for they are far from the intimidating guard dogs he had envisaged. "Do you like them?" he cannot help but ask, despite the twinkle in Aelin's eye. He showers his wife with far more valuable presents often, but there seems something more significant about gifting a living, breathing creature.
#c; aelin galathynius#au; through the years (historical)#kingcenred#(( crying thinking about each child getting a puppy from the litter bc there's exactly enough ))
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"You'll come back," Manon said.
It sounded like more of a threat than anything
Dorian smirked. "Would you miss me if I didn't?"
Manon didn't reply. He didn't know why he expected her to.
He'd taken all of a step, when Asterin clasped his shoulder. "In and out, quick as you can," she warned him. "Take care of Narene." Worry indeed shone in the Second's gold-flecked black eyes. Dorian bowed his head. "With my life," he promised as he approached her mount and grasped the dangling reins. He didn't fail to miss the gratitude that softened Asterin's features. Or that Manon had already turned away from him.
A fool to start down this path with her. He should have known better.
The hours that passed were some of the longest of Manon's existence.
From anticipation, she told herself. Of what she had to do.
Abraxos, unsurprisingly, found them within an hour, his reins sliced from the struggle he'd no doubt waged and won with Sorrel. He waited, however, beside Manon in silence, wholly focused upon the gate where Dorian and Narene had vanished.
Time dripped by. The king's sword was constant weight at her side. She cursed herself for needing to prove-to him, to herself-that she refused to let him go into Morath for practical, ordinary reasons. Erawan wasn't at the Ferian Gap. It'd be safer. Somewhat. But if the Matrons were there … That was why he'd gone. To learn if they were. To see if Petrah truly commanded the host there, and how many Ironteeth were present. He had not been trained as a spy, but he'd grown up in a court where people wielded smiles and clothes like weapons. He knew how to blend in, how to listen. How to make people see what they wished to see. She'd sent Elide into the dungeons of Morath, Darkness damn her. Sending the King of Adarlan into the Ferian Gap was no different.
It didn't stop her breath from escaping when Abraxos stiffened, scanning the sky. As if he heard something they couldn't.
And it was the joy that sparked in her mount's eyes that told her.
Moments later, Narene sailed toward them, making a lazy path over the mountains, a dark-haired, pale-skinned rider atop her. He'd truly been able to change parts of himself. Had made his face nearly unrecognizable. And kept it that way.
Asterin rushed toward the mare, and even Manon blinked as her Second threw her arms around Narene's neck. Holding her tight. The mare only leaned her head against Asterin's back and huffed.
Manon hadn't dwelled long on what she'd say.
And as the three hundred Ironteeth witches filed into the hall, some coming off their patrols, Manon half wondered if she should have. They watched her, watched the Thirteen, with a wary disdain.
Their disgraced Wing Leader; their fallen Heir.
When all were gathered, Petrah, still standing in the doorway where she'd appeared, merely said, "My life debt for an audience, Blackbeak."
Manon swallowed, her tongue as dry as paper. Seated atop Abraxos, she could see every shifting movement in the crowd, the wide eyes or hands gripping swords.
"I will not tell you the particulars of who I am," Manon said at last. "For I think you have already heard them."
"Crochan bitch," someone spat.
Manon set her eyes on the Blackbeaks, stone-faced where the others bristled with hatred. It was for them she spoke, for them she had come here.
jacket, then hoisting up her white shirt. Rising in the stirrups to bare her scarred, brutalized abdomen. "She does not lie."
UNCLEAN
There, the word remained stamped. Would always be stamped.
"How many of you," Asterin called out, "have been similarly branded? By your Matron, by your coven leader? How many of you have had your stillborn witchlings burned before you might hold them?"
The silence that fell now was different from before. Shaking shuddering.
Manon glanced at the Thirteen to find tears in Ghislaine's eyes as she took in the brand on Asterin's womb. Tears in the eyes of all of them, who had not known. And it was for those tears, which Manon had never seen, that she faced the host again.
"You will be killed in this war, or after it. And you will never see our homeland again."
"What is it that you want, Blackbeak?" Petrah asked from the archway.
"Ride with us," Manon breathed. "Fly with us.
Against Morath. Against the people who would keep you from your homeland, your future." Murmuring broke out again. Manon pushed ahead, "An Ironteeth-Crochan alliance. Perhaps one to break our curse at last."
Again, that shuddering silence. Like a storm about to break Asterin sat back in the saddle, but kept her shirt open.
"The choice of how our people's future shall be shaped is yours," Manon told each of the witches assembled, all the Blackbeaks who might fly to war and never return. "But I will tell you this." Her hands shook, and she fisted them on her thighs. "There is a better world out there. And I have seen it."
Even the Thirteen looked toward her now.
"I have seen witch and human and Fae dwell together in peace. And it is not weakness to do so, but a strength. I have met kings and queens whose love for their kingdoms, their peoples, is so great that the self is secondary. Whose love for their people is so strong that even in the face of unthinkable odds, they do the impossible."
Manon lifted her chin. "You are my people. Whether my grandmother decrees it so or not, you are my people, and always will be. But I will fly against you, if need be, to ensure that there is a future for those who cannot fight for it themselves. Too long have we preyed on the weak, relished doing so. It is time that we became better than our foremothers." The words she had given the Thirteen months ago. "There is a better world out there," she said again. "And I will fight for it." She turned Abraxos away, toward the plunge behind them. "Will you?"
Manon nodded to Petrah. Eyes bright, the Heir only nodded back. They would be permitted to leave as they had arrived: unharmed.
So Manon nudged Abraxos, and he leaped into the sky, the Thirteen following suit.
Not a child of war. But of peace.
#Dorian Havilliard#Manon Blackbeak#Chapter 43#Kingdom of Ash#Sarah J. Maas#1st read-readW me-read along-no spoilers please-chapter spoilers in the post&tag+more notes/quotes/ reacts/annotations/etc-ordinary dagger#would be his only weapon-and the magic in his veins-If I don't come back he said while she tied the ancient blade2her keys must go2Terrasen#the only place he could think of-even if Aelin wasn't ther2take them-them u'll come back Manon said It sounded like more of a threat than#Dorian smirked Wouldumiss me if I didn't-Take care of Narene Worry indeed shone in the 2nd gold-flecked black eyes-A fool2start down this#pathW her He should have known better-hours that passed were some of the longest of Manon's existence-Time dripped byKings sword a weight at#her sideShe cursed herself4needing2prove-2him2herself-that she had-she refused2let him go in2Morath4practical ordinary reasons Erawan wasnt#Ferian Gap Itd b safer Somewhat-He had not been trained as a spy but hed grown up in a court where people wielded smiles&clothes like weapon#He knew how2blend in how2listenHow2make people see what they wished2see-She'd sent Elide in2the dungeons of Morath-Darkness dam her it didnt#s2p her breath from escaping when Abraxos stiffened scanning the skyAs if he heard something they couldn't-& it was the joy that sparked in#her mounts eyes that2ld her-Asterin rushed2ward the mare&even Manon blinked as her 2nd threw her arms around Narenes neck Holding her tight-#Their disgraced Wing Leader; their fallen Heir-It was4them she spoke4them she had come here-Crochan bitch-hell no that's a witch queen-She#doesnt lie-UNCLEAN There the word remained stamped Would always bstamped How many of U-silence that fell now was different from be4 shaking#shuddering-Tears in the eyes of all of them who hadnt known&it was4those tears which Manon had never seen that she faced the host againManon#ifted her chin u are my people-Whether my gr&mother decrees it so or notuare my people&always will bBut I will fly againstuif need B2ensure#theres future4those who cannot fight4it themselves2o long have we preyed on the weak relished doing so It is time that we became better than#our4emothers-words shes given the13-Theres a better world out there she said again-& I will fight4it She turned Abraxos away2ward the plunge#behind them Will u-their if u die ill kill u vibe-ugh obviouslyulove each other just get over it-warned hum-my life-gratitude even softened#the witch-Shapeshifter-bye bluebell birdie-His ice-the Valg-just this once-if it keeps them alive then good enough-him&Vesta-terse-dont let#Aelin go4them either please-& the magic in his veins-his true weapon is smarts-come back-she cared her eyes say it all-Wmy life-not a fool#just in love-colds their middle name-her waiting😭-Lys would bproud of his skill-joy in wyverns is giving cuz she screamed4U like I did-Petra#their fallen Heir-a life debt-yes I had2switch2short dashes there’s just2o much going on all the time-4 them she spoke2gather2save-Asterin b#b-made-are monsters born or maid chicken egg wyvern solved-only queen-k how old r they-glory-always-my bb13crying2gether now imma cry-ur#Future is giving a better world vibes-I have seen it-a good queen-real love-u are my people-yes Manon speech-not a child of war but of peace#Manorian#The Thirteen
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have your little girlfriend, part seven
poly!Rowaelin x f!Reader
Summary: Catching Aelin's eye, you quickly end up entangled between her and Rowan, forced to navigate their darker sides in your new relationship.
Warnings: included on series masterlist to avoid spoilers!
Word Count: ~4.4k
A/N: we've reached the penultimate chapter!! thank you to both @whisperingmidnights and @moonlightttfae for your support <3 (and all of you who kept motivating me and reminding me about this little story)
series masterlist
Settling next to her on the bed, Aelin ran a hand down her thigh, “Rowan and I are thinking about trying for a child.”
The happiness she felt in that moment wasn’t faked. It was true, bright, and genuine.
“That’s wonderful,” she breathed, reaching out and clutching Aelin’s hand gently. “Are you?” She glanced down towards her stomach
Aelin’s bright laugh tinkled through the room. “Thinking about trying, petal. You should listen more,” she chided ‘jokingly,’ but she caught the small down curve at the last syllable.
Her mouth curled up at the corners anyway. This was something that had been hovering in the back of everyone’s minds for so long it only felt right. Now, her mind drifted to how she’d celebrate with Aelin. She glanced at the small bottle of oil on the side table. A massage would help her mate relax. Running her hands over her shoulders, she realized just how tense she was, and noticed the light bags underneath her eyes.
Aelin read the question in her eyes.
“There’s been a lot to … catch up on,” she said delicately.
‘Because of you, your settling, your burden,’ her mind whirled, the voice not her own.
“No,” Aelin said firmly, aloud. “What you’re thinking - it’s not true.”
“You don’t know what I’m thinking,” she countered automatically. Aelin frowned and she winced, sending a silent apology. It seemed to appease her mate, especially as she reached for the oil, motioning for Aelin to turn around, eagerly complying. First, she undid the ties on the back of her tunic, letting her skin expose inch by inch, fingers running delicately over the relatively smooth skin, tracing the lines and swirls of her tattoos.
Aelin laid down, head turned sideways to rest her cheek on the pillow. Straddling her waist, she let the oil drip directly on her back.
Not having any training or particularly good technique, she just went for whatever drew the best reactions out of her mate. Thumbs dug into sore spots, nails scratched down lightly, gentle kisses left on shoulders, teeth nipping, dodging when Aelin’s fingers shot out to pinch in playful reprimand.
The breaths grew longer, more ragged, less controlled. Bodies shifted to release tension, thighs rubbed together subconsciously, hands jolted, movements less smooth and controlled.
The game reached its expiration point as Aelin flipped over, throwing her underneath and straddling her hips to pin her in place.
Leaning down, brushing lips against her ear, “my turn,” she breathed.
Strands of fire wrapped around her wrist, not burning but pinning them above her head. She lifted her chest, arching her back, giving her mate her favorite view.
Aelin’s thumbs brushed over her breasts in appreciation. The touches grew firmer, a mark of exactly who was in charge.
“So beautiful, petal,” she murmured. “I’m so lucky.”
“We’re so lucky,” an amused voice interrupted from the back. Aelin waved him off - a half hearted dismissal, countered with a laugh and slow but purposeful steps across the room.
Her mates locked eyes, a silent conversation she wasn’t privy to passing through. Her legs shifted, subconsciously reaching for their attention. The smiles appearing on their faces set her on edge.
Before she could think further, or ask more questions, Aelin had turned, slid up the bed, and hovered above her. She faced away, toward Rowan, who was currently lining up between her thighs.
“Snap if you need to stop,” he said roughly. She didn’t get to see him enter her as Aelin lowered herself over her face. She didn’t care.
-
Later that night, curled up next to them in bed, she realized she’d probably never fall pregnant. Biologically, it didn’t matter to her who birthed the child, she’d help raise and love them all the same. But was pregnancy something she wanted? It would interfere with the royal succession and all of that. Things her mates had probably thought of and discarded for a later time. Well, now was the later time. Right now … she was a royal concubine, wasn’t she?
Still, they already had little time to spare, and a child would … she shook her head. How gods-damned selfish could she be? The time she took up in their lives would be better spent on a child. A child would be more worthy of the time than her. All she’d done is drag her mates down since they met, causing problems and bringing chaos in her wake. She was, at the very least, a basket case.
She should be happy for her mates, for how long they’d wanted this baby - held back by her. She was the one holding them back from their dreams and everything they wanted.
It was bullshit, she knew. The child would be more than happy with three parents. She wasn’t happy, and the time was coming where she picked for herself for once, but she had to be careful about it.
Right now, she didn’t know what she wanted. Of course, these concerns couldn’t be raised because at the first hint of suspicion she might leave them she’d be placed firmly on lockdown - not given the slightest chance. Their love always came hand in hand with obsession, and with that a heavy weight she couldn’t quite kick. Several days, all she wanted was for the heaviness to leave her chest.
Besides, they were Fae and it could take years for any of them to fall pregnant. When that time came, she knew what she’d have to do, and knew it would hurt like hell in so many ways.
“What’s on your mind?” Rowan murmured from her right. To her left, Aelin was sound asleep. She hadn’t realized he was awake.
“Life,” she whispered.
He wrapped an arm around her waist, tugging her closer. Aelin had spread out to take over most of the bed, and seemed perfectly content wrapped in all of the pillows and blankets but she knew her mate would reach for her soon. Until then, she let herself melt into Rowan, his warmth and the steady circles he traced on her back.
This, this feeling, warmth, and content. She wanted desperately to be selfless and stay, but eventually she’d need to be selfish and go. The clock was ticking down.
-
A year later, she knew something was different. Firstly, she could barely stand to have others near Aelin. At first she thought it was because they hadn’t gotten to spend much time together, but then her mate’s scent changed.
Rowan’s behavior confirmed her suspicion. She thanked the gods that their instincts didn't apply to each other.
Pregnancy suited Aelin, it seemed like a gold dust or shimmer always coated her, bathing her in some sort of ethereal light.
It took one week for her to remember the original plan.
With her mates distracted with preparations for the babe, it was all too easy for her to get things together to leave.
There was one thing standing in her way. Her bargain with Fenrys. Her own conscience died as soon as she began considering this. She wasn’t able to go to the Staghorns with him accompanying her, and he couldn’t run with her. Would he try to stop her if she he knew she was preparing to leave? She considered him a brother, but undeniably his loyalty went to Aelin first and not just because of the blood oath. It hurt that she couldn’t truly trust him, and she knew it was unfair but in her mind it was Aelin and Rowan stealing another thing from her. Besides, he’d pulled away from her recently. Like the rest of them, he was preoccupied with Aelin’s pregnancy.
A blessing, but a blessing so precious it put everyone on edge.
The only other option was to go somewhere else. She decided to post a few letters.
Rushing over to the table, grabbing a quill and ink while they were still busy, the sound of pen scratching paper filled their rooms.
What were those vacation spots we used to go to? I’ve been reminiscing about our childhood.
Only brief phrases flooded into her mind as she wrote, the rest flowing straight from her mind to paper, the only filter the code she created with her cousins years ago as children. Hopefully the gods were looking out for her, and her cousins remembered. With a little luck, whoever undoubtedly read the letter wouldn’t find anything suspicious or worth reporting back to home for. Even if they did, she’d gained their trust well enough and they were so preoccupied she doubted they would pay much attention to it. After all, they hadn’t paid much attention to her.
She glanced at the clock. Two hours til they were finished with the meeting. Leaving the castle alone wouldn’t raise suspicion anymore, now with her settling a year in the past. Black cloak pulled over her head, silver clasp fastened at the collarbone, rain pouring outside, she slipped through a servants passage, and out the front gate. Sometimes the best place to hide was in plain sight.
Sticking to main streets, smiling at the few who dared venture outside during inclement weather, she headed right for the post stand. Not unusual of her before her settling - the citizens of Orynth had long memories after all, even the mortals. Her primary form of communication couldn’t be in person after all, and she had piles and piles of letters from her cousins. Still, the code was necessary because she couldn’t risk anyone reading her mail. Everyone was nosy. Finding someone she trusted, someone loyal to the crown, knowing an extra coin would make no difference in their behavior, she made the exchange.
Instead of a breath of fresh air, her chest tightened. This was the first step to the ultimate betrayal.
Anxiety and panic filled her, all of her will and energy went to keeping it from the mating bond. Despite her current plans, she still cared deeply about Aelin, her health, and the health of the babe. But … how much of herself did she need to sacrifice? How much could she, before it broke her completely?
“Is everything alright miss?” A guard asked at the gate. Miss.
When did she start crying?
“Just good news,” she put on her best cheery voice. He looked skeptical. “Really,” she insisted.
“Alright,” he gave her a polite nod and she fled - well, walked as fast as she could get away with. He would undoubtedly go to someone. With Aedion gone for a few days, it would be Fenrys - the guard knew better than to approach Rowan at a time like this. Fenrys might be testy as well, she realized, but a safer option for them - and her.
Fleeing for her safe space, she eyed the clock, counting the time until a white wolf appeared.
Seven minutes.
“You’re slow today,” she mumbled, wiping an errant tear with the back of her hand.
Flash of light, a Fae male.
“What’s wrong?” He said, voice deep and lined with a touch of exasperation. He cut to the chase, a touch of impatience in his tone. A tone he’d never taken with her before.
“I should ask you that,” she bit back.
His shoulders loosened. “I don’t like being away from her right now,” he admitted.
She sent him a commiserating smile. “Neither do I.”
He raised a brow. Why aren’t you there, you could read the words in his eyes.
“Rowan is touchy,” she added.
“I’m aware,” he drawled and sat on the couch opposite her, leaning forward, forearms against his thighs. “But I’m surprised he is even with you, his other mate”
Other mate. Fenrys realized his poor choice of words immediately, she saw it in the look on his face. She waved it off, “I know you don’t mean it like that.” She wondered if he’d acknowledge the lie or brush it under the rug, and would’ve bet money on the second.
“I don’t,” Fenrys said, “it doesn’t mean it's not wrong I said it like that.”
Maybe she underestimated him. “I’m f-”
“Don’t say that, I know you don’t mean it,” he cut her off, “how are you handling this?”
She pressed her lips into a tight line, going for as close to the truth as she can get. “I’m thrilled, nervous, and uncertain.”
He huffed “you sound like the rest of us.”
“I suppose I do,” she forced a smile. Concern flashed in those dark eyes, but he didn’t push, enough of that had been done today.
-
She didn’t go to the healers with them, she never did anymore. The first time had been so much that they insisted only one mate could come with, and that went to Rowan. Personally, both she and Aelin thought she would’ve been the safer choice, less likely to murder someone, but even that couldn’t be completely guaranteed so it might as well be the king. It only reinforced her thoughts, without her it would be easier around. She thought it was probably better that way, each visit felt like the ticking of a clock, and at least here she could separate herself more with less worry that they would notice it.
It felt like hours this time, and Fenrys kept her company today in her workshop. Good, better than being alone with her thoughts. Aelin was seven months pregnant, and weekly check ups quite obviously frustrated her but the rest of them didn’t care. Each check up was one week closer to her departure.
Shaking her head clear of thoughts, her hand hovered over the material, flooding back and forth. It was frustrating, trying to get her magic to work as it used to. Half of the time she could make beautiful creations, even better than before, but the other half they were … not ugly but more angry is the best way she could describe it. They said magic spoke to her soul and she wondered what that meant about her. Nothing good.
“I like this one,” Fenrys pointed towards a piece that pissed her off. Angry ripples of wood, different colors streaked between, “it’s … original.”
“It should go in the trash,” she muttered.
“No more breaking things,” he snorted, but she could hear a hint of worry. She rarely threw anything away - if anything she took them and tried to remake them over and over again. There was no point in throwing out old creations if they could tell a story of her life and work, or if they could be re-used. After the ‘broken glass episode,’ as she called it in her mind, she hated the sounds of anything breaking.
Once, Aelin almost took the head off a poor courtier who’d accidentally broken a glass in her presence. At least her magic cooperated enough for her to make it nearly impossible for any glassware in this castle to break, unless someone intentionally threw it. The way it worked, her magic wouldn’t stop someone from breaking it if they wanted to, it only stopped accidents.
Maybe if - when she reinvented herself somewhere else she could sell magically reinforced glassware. Although that might be too obvious and could get her caught.
The southern continent might take her. She abandoned the glass, settling for tapping her fingers on her table instead. Fenrys was pacing by the door. This appointment had been an emergency and she was thinking of how she’d be leaving soon.
More than ever before, she believed she was a truly terrible person. Someone, she had to tell someone about this - get them to convince her to quit this insanity.
“Fen-” She started, his head turning towards her, just as they heard footsteps down the hall. Later on when the wolf asked what she wished to speak about earlier, she didn’t remember, mentioning offhand it must not have been very important.
“Everything is well,” Aelin said as she entered, Rowan quick on her heels. They’d taken to coming here after - probably because she always had chocolate ready for Aelin.
Sure enough, she slid a box of hazelnut chocolates across the table to her pregnant mate. She was absolutely insatiable. Nothing could curb her appetite, but she gladly fed the addiction. Anything to make her happy while she was still here.
“I wish you could go to the appointments with me,” Aelin mumbled in between bites after Rowan stepped out of the room. “He’s such a bear.”
“He’s always seemed more bird-like to me,” she countered automatically, teeth digging into her bottom lip as she focused on one piece of material.
A palm slapped against the table, stifled breathing - panic - eyes shot up. Laughter.
“That. Was. Horrible,” Aelin wheezed, but her cheeks were lifted, eyes light, and the giggles left her were contagious.
“If I’m a bear,” Rowan grumbled, stalking through the door. Aelin shot you a hopeful look. Had she spoken in his hearing range on purpose? “Then let petal go next time instead.”
Rowan turned, looking at her like he had a mental list of instructions ready. She gulped. What had she signed up for? A tiny glint in his eye told him she wasn’t too sure
-
Her hands shook as they floated over the material. It took what felt like ages for her to work with glass again, and even now it still felt too raw but this was something she needed to do. And with the glass collected from her … melt down. A complete waste, that was. So many hours of work smashed into pieces, thrown into a bucket for her to try and fix her mistakes. She vowed to herself this wouldn’t be a mistake, that she was doing the ‘right’ thing.
But … was it the right thing for her or for them? Could it be both?
Too. Much. Thinking.
She refocused on the object in front of her, passing her hands over it again, trying to let her magic flow from inside of her. Ever since her settling it had been a tad more difficult to access, but when she did manage to access it … well her workshop is now reinforced. Heavily.
After the fifth attempt, she sighed and slid it to the side. This one had to be perfect, and if it wasn’t working now she might as well try again on a later date. If it wasn’t perfect … well, for who it was going to she’d accept nothing less from herself. Would it sting more if they knew the effort she put into it? When the time comes?
Generally, that thought would’ve kept her mind swirling for hours but she was so damn tired that as soon as she laid her head down on her bench to ‘rest’ for a moment, she was out.
“Beautiful,” a lovely voice whispered into her ear, a warm hand running down her arm, warmth spreading behind her. She jerked up, nearly falling out of her chair.
“Shit,” she muttered, glancing at the clock, dings and tears on the outside. Worn down from where years ago it was shiny and new. It only started breaking down more after she moved to the castle.
Aelin laughed, the sound beautiful and carrying. She glanced at her pregnant mate, Radiant as always. “You should get some more sleep,” she tutted.
“You’re pregnant you should be,” she yawned, hand covering her mouth.
“Hush,” Aelin murmured, reaching a hand to her. In her tired state, the hand seemed like a lifeline, a symbol. She took the land, but used her other to push herself out of her seat, refusing to let Aelin do any lifting.
“I’m not incapable,” Aelin said, an edge to her tone.
“You’d do the same to me,” she countered, pulling her hand away to cross her arms in mock stern-ness.
Aelin frowned and snatched her hand back. “This is mine,” she flipped it off and placed a kiss on her palm, before tugging her towards the door, “and I’m hungry.”
Not for the first time that day, she wondered if she was doing the right thing.
-
It felt like years, when in reality it was months, but eventually it was ready.
“I need to go grab something,” she murmured one night, perhaps an hour or so before they’d turn down for bed. Rowan and Aelin didn’t particularly like when she went wandering around alone after dark, but this was when she wanted to give it to them. “From my workshop,” she clarified.
“Nobody’s stopping you,” Rowan sounded a little snippy.
Throat tightening, she nodded and turned, blinking back tears at the slight embarrassment. Has nobody really been stopping her? Had this all actually been inside of her head?
“Wait,” Rowan’s voice floated through the open doorway. She turned to see the male standing there, filling the space completely, the corners of his mouth softened slightly. “Let me come with you.”
“You can’t,” she backed away, but a natural smile started playing on her lips. “It’s a surprise.”
“I’ll close my eyes,” he took one step into the hall.
“No,” she insisted. She’d worked too hard on it to have the surprise ruined for one of them. It had to be both or nothing.
“Fine,” he rolled his eyes lightly, but she could’ve sworn she detected some fondness in his tone. “Be quick,” he added.
She shifted, senses sharpening, a white fox sprinting down the hall. A fae female carried back the gift, perfectly wrapped in a small gold box, a neat bow sealing it.
-
The cautious way she held it caught Aelin’s attention first, as if it was the most precious thing she’d encountered in so very long. She knew instinctively it was one of her creations.
Do you know what this is? She looked at Rowan.
No, he answered her silently, and she caught the curiosity in his eyes, probably reflected in her own.
She motioned for Rowan to sit, and he did - amusing her. Her mate’s thigh pressed against her own, a strong and comforting weight. She stood before them, and held it out almost like someone presenting a gift at court, her hands shaking slightly. Her hands rarely shook. Aelin frowned, but working in-sync she and Rowan took the box together.
Carefully, the bow was slid open, the lid tilted back - an involuntary gasp left her. She nearly dropped it. Thanks the fucking Gods Rowan was holding it or she might’ve spiraled if she’d somehow broken it.
A beautiful glass sphere, painstakingly decorated with the Lord of the North, trees, rivers, mountains, kingsflame, and several other tiny decorations that must’ve taken her hours. How long had she been working on this?
More than that, as far as Aelin knew it was the first glass decoration she’d created since the episode, as she called it in her mind.
Shattered glass. Blood. Screaming. She pushed it out of her mind, refocusing herself on the present.
Rowan was already standing and embracing her. Carefully and slowly rising, she joined.
For as long as it was together, the glass had a proud place on the mantelpiece, prime sight for any who walked in the rooms spot it.
-
It was time. Barely a week after her gift, she’d received the imminent word Aelin was going into labor. An hour later, she ran.
Not being there for her mate at her most vulnerable time nearly killed her, but she knew Rowan wouldn’t dare leave Aelin’s side to come look for her. They knew where she’d be, but they wouldn’t risk outraging the Wolf Tribe and alienating some of their subjects by coming to steal her in the middle of the night. She’d heard them acknowledge it before when they thought she was sleeping. They’ve always underestimated her, she thought.
She wrote down the words rehearsed in her mind for months, edited and changed over and over again until they made sense.
Don’t come looking for me, you know what will happen if you do. I’ll come back when I’m ready. I swear I love you.
She sliced the tip of her finger with her dagger, let three drops, one for each of them, dripped onto the paper and folded it in three before placing it in as obvious of a position as possible, their names stitched on the front in her elegant cursive. Would they burn the letter or keep it?
It didn’t matter.
She snuck through the castle, taking servants passageways and back exits until she was at the edges of the city. Stashed in a hidden hole next to a tree were her supplies. She slipped her arms through the loops of the pack before setting off.
The new tree growth and winter morning smelt like fresh air and freedom to her, like a new beginning and dawn she never thought she’d see, despite the strong and ever growing tug attempting to bring her back to her mates.
That thought posed another question, could they really be her mates if she could hurt them like this?
She knew, in her soul, this was a betrayal she’d never come back for. What she was breaking could never be remade in its original form or anything similar. She kept going, without so much as a look over her shoulder. Yes, she felt the pain and misery and likely would for the rest of her miserable immortal life but at least she did something for herself.
-
Rowan knew in his soul she was gone. Physically.
If he detached himself from the situation, he would recognize how she had good timing and planning, perhaps even appreciate it. But he wasn’t, instead he was filled with fury. That fury was contained with his pregnant wife and mate currently in labor in front of him. Distracted enough she didn’t know yet, and he’d keep it that way for as long as he could. Rowan wasn’t certain he wouldn’t hurt her for everything she was about to put Aelin through. He couldn’t kill her but he could make her life a living hell and in his current anger he swore he would.
Surrounding himself and the room in a shield of wind, drowning out all sounds, his shaking fingers closed around the glass orb she’d painstakingly created for them. Even months of work, fine lines and pure artistry were no help in quelling his anger. Rowan let his fingers release, and the orb smashed on the tile flooring.
He already knew could be a vindictive and cruel son of a bitch, but she was going to find out just how cruel and vindictive he could be. Boots crunched over glass, her fate sealed.
-
taglist: @wallacewillow0773638 @inloveallthetime @sstrohma @fightmedraco @daughterofthemoons-stuff @skinny-baby-4eva @feyres-fireheart @helloevilmuffins @panther-girl-124 @starsinyourseyes @natiebug1 @paleidiot @agent-anna @123345566
#rowaelin x reader#poly!rowaelin x reader#poly!rowaelin#throne of glass x reader#rowaelin x y/n#poly!rowaelin x y/n#throne of glass fic#rowan whitethorn x reader#rowan whitethorn x y/n#aelin galathynius x y/n#aelin galathynius x reader#aelin x y/n#aelin x reader
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Honestly, I don't understand how antis think Azriel wanting to sex with elain means they are endgame,
Like are they forgetting Azriel also wanted mor sexually to the point that Feyre could see hunger in his eyes when Mor wore the white dress,
But there is only one woman who caused a spark in his chest who made him unconsciously smile and has her image glowing in his heart.
Its honestly obvious who is endgame.
People just hate Gwyneth Berdara because she is the only one who could make the Coldest shadow singer and spy master of the Night Court whose face is known to be a cold mask perfect ever since he was a child feel a spark in his chest, could make him smile unconsciously while thinking of her bright eyes and smile.
They hate her because it is only her image that buried deep in his heart where it glows quietly and which he referred to as a thing of secret, lovely beauty.
There will always be an image of her glowing in his chest no matter what.
Like I am sorry I would never want a man who has an image of someone else glowing his chest.
And then I see why some people in the fandom loath her. or try to downplay everything she does.
Yeah
it's
only
cause
they
want
to
fuck.
And that's not even all their scenes and none from the BC or the other foreshadowing.
I'll take all this over a spark any day. Especially a spark that was used between:
Aelin and Lorcan
Tamlin and Feyre
Cassain x Nyx's Baby Wings
And not used in other couples.
Babes, we ship Elriel cause it's in the books, not because we hate one woman. We are not the same.
Also they do want to fuck to each other and not the red heads and that's normally a requisite of being attracted to someone.
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Rowaelin Month Day Twenty-One: Performers @rowaelinscourt
Month Masterlist // Hey Neighbor Masterlist // Ao3 Link
It fits the performers prompt because they’re putting on a show of lunacy. <3
Warnings: just minor medical talk and references to bad hospital experiences right at the beginning, ~2.9k words
Hey, Lucky
Aelin could count on one hand the number of times she’d been in a hospital.
Two when a grandparent passed away and one when she’d broken her arm. She hated each and every experience. Her grandparents’ passing had been traumatic to say the least. All she could remember was seeing her Papa hooked up to an assortment of tubes and wires to the point that she couldn’t even see his face. Gran was supposed to come right back out after a surgery to fix her heart…only she never had. And when Aelin had broken her arm, she’d had to have surgery to resent the limb properly, the meds had made her sick and she couldn’t leave the hospital for over a week. None of the doctors had been nice, either.
So, yes. Aelin hated the hospital.
But here she was, sitting in an uncomfortable vinyl chair in a stuffy waiting room and nerves keyed up. Her knee wouldn’t stop bouncing and she’d already destroyed a paper pamphlet citing the signs of diabetes and the importance of knowing preventative measures. She’d found it on the side table beside her and, needing something to do with her hands, had folded and refolded the thick cardstock. It was the only thing keeping her sane.
“You’ve got to eat some real food,” Elide said softly from next to her.
The pamphlet was plucked from her fingers replaced with a sandwich.
Aelin looked at the sandwich. It was a simple peanut butter and jelly, but it wasn’t hospital food. Her stomach roiled.
“I’m fine,” she said.
Elide didn’t look impressed by that statement, but she said nothing else and settled in her seat.
Setting the sandwich aside, Aelin grabbed her phone instead. She looked at the text thread she’d started with Iona after the news thread of the avalanche. With the weather and the Whitethorns living one town over, Aelin insisted that she go to the hospital at least until the roads cleared up more.
<<Aelin: No update yet, but the rest of the crew is here now.
She couldn’t help but send the message. Maybe it would have been better if she had actual news. It was the nerves, the need to do something. And she supposed if she were a mother separated from her child she would want to know anything and everything going on.
She leaned back in her seat and took inventory of the waiting room. It had calmed down quite a bit over the last few hours. There were other family’s waiting for news, the bad weather brought in many other injuries and messes. The rest of Rowan’s search and rescue team had also come now that the missing hiker was found.
Fenrys had also been injured, but not as extensive as what happened with Rowan. He hadn’t been caught in the torrent of snow and ice, only enough to cut off his retreat back down the mountain. After everything settled, Fenrys had gone in search of Rowan and the lost hiker. He’d found them and even managed to get a signal for a rescue. He was being treated for dehydration and a dislocated shoulder.
“Aelin,” Elide insisted, grabbing the phone from her fingers, “I am your emotional support human right now and I need you to eat.”
“You sure you’re not just here for a certain ranger?” Aelin quipped.
Elide glared. “Moral support.”
“Right.”
“I will force that sandwich down your throat,” Elide said. For such a tiny unassuming woman, she was a bit feral.
Aelin took a savage bite. It was a tasty sandwich; raspberry jam, creamy peanut butter, and fresh white bread. Perfection. She wouldn’t let Elide know though.
After forcing half the sandwich down, Aelin couldn’t stomach any more. Elide seemed satisfied with her efforts and didn’t say anything when Aelin tucked the remains back in its baggie.
It was another few minutes until a doctor stepped through a pair of double doors that led to the operating rooms. Aelin leapt from her seat, just as she’d done for every doctor or nurse that stepped through the doors.
“Whitethorn and Moonbeam?” The doctor asked, already walking towards the assembled rangers.
The captain, Gavriel, stepped forward. “How are my men?”
“Fenrys is on an IV and doing fine, he just needs rest,” the doctor said, she smiled reassuringly, “already asking to be released.”
Only a little bit of tension eased out of the rangers.
“And Rowan?” Gavriel pressed.
The doctor, Yrene Towers by her nametag, offered a strained smile that made Aelin’s stomach clench.
“He’s out of surgery,” Dr. Towers said slowly. “His left leg was broken in two different places and needed some titanium screws. He’s got three broken ribs, a concussion, and severely sprained wrist. Honestly…he was extremely lucky.”
“But he’s okay?” Aelin asked, “He’ll wake up?”
Dr. Towers’s smile softened, which under normal circumstances would have made Aelin’s hackles rise. “Yes. Probably within the next hour or so. You can see him now if you’d like. He’s in his recovery room now.”
Aelin’s entire body vibrated and it took all her effort not to bolt down the hall. She was overstepping, she knew she was overstepping. Right? Why was she so concerned, so insistent about seeing Rowan? Especially when his friends and colleagues were right here. It was ridiculous.
And then, much to her surprise, Lorcan was the one to speak up. “Go make sure Whitethorn doesn’t break out of here prematurely. We’ll give Moonbeam hell.”
The rangers already started filing towards the ER where Fenrys was holed up. Lorcan narrowed his eyes slightly while glaring down at Aelin. She raised an eyebrow in challenge to which the larger man merely shrugged before following his squad mates.
Dr. Towers rested a hand on Aelin’s shoulder. “I’ll take you to Rowan’s room.”
Nodding, Aelin glanced over her shoulder to where Elide still sitting in her chair. Her friend only waved her on with an encouraging hand.
“Thanks,” Aelin said, turning back to Dr. Towers. “That would be great.”
It was a quick walk to the elevator and trip up to the third floor. The entire time Dr. Towers continued to talk to Aelin about Rowan.
“I’ve done a lot of trauma work and have seen a lot of tragedies,” Dr. Towers said, “and even though his injuries sound bad, he’s going to be alright. Just a bit of recovery and physical therapy with his leg. It’ll be a long road but he can make it.”
They came to a stop outside a room with the blinds drawn up to look in on the sleeping body. Aelin’s heart skipped a beat as she took in Rowan’s prone form. Thankfully, he didn’t have a respirator or any tube actually inside his mouth. His warm skin had taken on an ashen pallor and his usually styled hair lay flat over his brow. One of his legs was suspended in a sling and wrapped in white bandages. His injured wrist was also wrapped in similar bandages and resting on his chest.
“Thank-you, doctor,” Aelin said. She smiled at the woman. “Really.”
“Of course, just let a nurse know if you need anything find a nurse, find me, and we can help.”
With another hand on her shoulder, Dr. Towers headed down the hall to the nurse’s station.
Aelin looked back into Rowan’s room. Just the sight of him lying there had panic racing through her body. She didn’t know what to make of all the emotions she was feeling. She didn’t know where they’d come from or what to do with them. She knew…well she knew she’d been attracted to Rowan for a while now. Known she’d been willing to flirt with him and see if something more that could happen between them.
With a steadying breath, Aelin pushed open the door.
The was strangely quiet. Even with the soft hum of the equipment and steady beat of the heart monitor, there was a stillness occupying the space. She hated it.
Aelin crossed the room to take a seat in the chair beside the bed. She debated taking a picture of Rowa to send to Iona. In the end she decided there was something distinctly creepy about that so she settled on an over simplified text.
<<Aelin: Sitting with Rowan. Doctor said he’s doing well. He’ll need physical therapy for his broken leg and he has a concussion, but she said it’s all going to be fine.
>>Iona: Thank-you dear. The storms blown over so the roads should be cleared by tomorrow.
That was good.
Aelin sighed, tucking her phone back into her purse. She leaned forward, hand hovering over his own. The action felt strangely intimate. She withdrew her hand and looked at Rowan’s face.
He appeared peaceful. Even with the gash on his forehead and the bandage trying to cover the worst of it. He was paler than Aelin was used to him looking too. Really, this entire situation was a nightmare. She wanted to wake up. Desperately. She wanted him to wake up and scowl at her. Wake up and roll his eyes. Wake up and just be him.
“I am so mad at you right now,” she muttered. She sat back in her seat scowling at his unconscious form. “You were supposed to be careful and not get hurt, Rowan. Nox Owen said he’d be dead if it wasn’t for you. You risked your life up on that mountain and scared the shit out of me. You’ll be lucky if I forgive you.”
His heart monitor beeped in response.
“And you know, that’s not even the worst of it,” she continued. Now she was picking at her nails, too upset to actually look at him. “What’s worse is that I thought there was something more between us. I thought…Did you even eat those cookies I baked you?”
She glared at him now, still disgruntled over how flat his hair was lying. It made him look so much younger, soft. She had to swallow down the lump forming in her throat.
Emotions were the worst.
The literal worst.
Taking a long breath, Aelin straightened. She leaned forward again and did her best to channel the old Aelin. The irritated Aelin. The Aelin who used to have dance parties at two in the morning to rile Rowan up. The Aelin who tried to trick Rowan into drinking a RedBull.
“You are going to wake-up and you are going to take me on a date,” she said. “Do you hear me buzzard?”
To emphasize her words, she took Rowan’s hand and entwined their fingers. There was nothing to indicate that he could hear her. Nothing to indicate he was waking up soon. Which was fine. She knew Dr. Towers had said he was fine, that he’d only just gotten out of surgery and wasn’t going to wake up for a while yet. But she was Aelin Galathynius and she was not patient.
She squeezed his fingers.
“You’re an idiot if you think you can get rid of me that easily,” she added. Sniffing, she rose from her chair. She may as well let the other rangers filter through to see their friend.
She tried to pull her fingers from his grasp only to find that his grasp had tightened. Aelin froze.
“Rowan?” She nearly fell over herself to lean back over Rowan. “Rowan Whitethorn.”
His eyelids fluttered and he took a deep, rattling breath. His mouth twitched, trying to form a word.
“Buzzard?”
And then his eyes opened. Glazed and unfocused but open. It took a few blinks and then those gloriously green eyes landed on her.
“Fireheart.”
Tears that Aelin hadn’t even known were brewing started pouring down her cheeks. She raised her other hand to cup his cheek, feeling the stubble there.
“Hi,” she whispered, staring into his eyes, eyes she hadn’t realized she’d missed so much.
“What—” Rowan began, but he tried to move too much of his body at once and broke off with a wince and a curse. “Damned hell, what happened?”
“Lay back and stop moving,” she ordered him. “You were in an accident; do you remember that?”
Groaning, Rowan actually listened and leaned back into his pillow. “Yeah, yeah I remember. Nox? Fen? They okay?”
“They’re fine,” Aelin assured him. She ran her thumb over his jaw, refusing to stop touching him for at least a little longer. “Nox had some frostbite and scrapes. I think I heard he broke his ankle. Fenrys just got some bruises, he somehow missed the worst of it.”
Rowan’s eyes shuddered closed. He took a few breaths before looking at Aelin again.
“And are you okay?”
Aelin just stared at him. “I’m not the one who fell down a mountain. Y’know, I think you’ve got me beat now for doing stupid things with this.”
“I was saving a life, doesn’t count.” His mouth quirked up into a half smile.
Aelin didn’t have a good response to that. Because really, all she wanted to do was kiss him and call him a fool.
He must have seen something in her eyes because he tried to move. She had no idea what his intentions were—he was still stiff and loopy from his medication. Whatever he was trying to do sent a spasm of pain crawling over his features.
“Stop moving,” Aelin insisted. “You’ve got some broken ribs and a broken leg and your wrist is sprained.”
“I—then why does my head hurt?” He asked.
Poor, silly man.
“That would be the concussion.”
Rowan huffed, squeezing his eyes shut. “Right.”
“You’re in pain,” Aelin said, trying to pull away again. “Let me go get the nurse, they should know you’re awake.”
Shaking his head, Rowan snagged her hand again and tightened his grip. “No. It’s fine, just stay.”
Aelin didn’t like that. Not at all.
“You are literally gritting your teeth in pain,” she said.
“Aelin.” Rowan tugged on her hand, his index finger hooking with hers. “I’m fine.”
She ducked her head, suddenly unable to meet his gaze. She had too many thoughts and emotions rolling inside her, too many things she couldn’t define well enough. Especially not now.
“I was really scared, Rowan,” she whispered. “I saw the newscast of the avalanche and thought—I thought…”
Aelin cut off as another wave of tears clogged her throat.
“Aelin,” Rowan said. He pushed through the pain that he was so obviously in and pulled on her hand so she had to lean in closer. “I’m sorry.”
That should have dried up any and all tears that Aelin was fight back. “You’re what? What do you have to be sorry for? You fell off a cliff. You broke your leg. Don’t you dare try and sit up, I will go get a nurse, don’t try me.”
“For the bar, for the cold shoulder,” he said, only partially speaking over her. “For not talking to you.”
Aelin sank down on the side of the hospital bed, careful of any wires or tubes she might disrupt.
“Yeah,” she murmured. “I am still mad at you about that too.”
Rowan, to his credit, looked chagrined. “Sorry.”
Aelin squeezed his hand. “You don’t have to tell me everything, not now anyways, but I—I want to know.”
“My last girlfriend couldn’t handle the job,” Rowan told her, hardly waiting for her to stop speaking. “Not all the calls in, the long trips I’d be gone for, not the potential danger of it all with storms like this one. She kept showing me other jobs to apply for, telling me to get a real degree at a real college…eventually she told me to make a choice. So I came to Terrasen.”
That had been almost three years ago at this point, if Aelin did her math correctly.
“It didn’t seem fair to put anyone else through that,” he concluded.
“That doesn’t seem fair,” Aelin said, “not fair of her, not fair to you, to anyone. Not if you love the job. Not if your partner loves you. And it’s not fair of you to make that choice for me, either.”
She brushed away the remnants of her last round of tears. Heart hammering in her chest, Aelin fixed Rowan with a stare she only reserved for Fleetfoot. A mix of amused disappointment. It seemed apt for the Buzzard.
“I like you, Buzzard. But you can’t keep acting like a fool.”
“Yes, ma’am,” he conceded.
Aelin nodded resolutely and then, before she could lose her nerve, leaned forward and planted a kiss on his forehead. She thought it perfectly reasonable to leave it at that but then Rowan shifted beneath her and before she could pull back, his mouth collided with hers.
Even drugged up and concussed, Rowan knew how to kiss a woman. Aelin certainly wasn’t one to pass up on this opportunity. She kissed him deeply, feeling the spark of something flare in her chest and spread like wildfire through her blood.
Aelin pulled back far sooner than she wanted to, but she knew he was still recovering.
“Took you long enough,” she told him.
“Sorry, had a mountain fall on me.”
“Ass.” Aelin forced herself to pull away from him for good this time. She went back to get her phone from her purse. “I need to let your mom know you’re awake.”
Rowan made a strangled noise. “You’re talking to my mother?”
“Mostly just texting right now. But she did invite me to family dinner next Sunday, so you’ve gotta be out of the hospital for that.”
“We don’t do family dinner.”
“Now we do,” she planted another kiss on his forehead and dialed into FaceTime. “Hi, Iona! Guess who’s awake!”
.*.*.*.*.
epilogue next
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